


The World Ends With Me

by TheMonster



Category: Free!
Genre: AU, Afterlife - kinda, Amnesia, Angst, Character Death, Grim Reapers, Multi, Pairings to be added, don't let the warning scare you away, pairings - see note ch 4, soulmate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-07
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-02-28 13:46:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2734814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMonster/pseuds/TheMonster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Makoto died he was left with two options. One was to disappear forever, the other one was becoming a grim reaper. He chose the second option, hoping to get another chance to live again. However, he finds himself at loss when he can't remember anything about his former life and the job isn't quite as easy as he thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And so it begins

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This is my second fic in the Free! fandom and it's going to be long just like my other. I planned to finish writing it before I posted it and just call it a oneshot, but I realised that it would need to chaptered. There will also be more characters from the fandom in later chapters. Rating might go up and pairings will be added after time :)  
> Anyway, this is a story about grim reapers, soulmates, angst and more. Just bear with me and if it gets confusing I'll try to do my best to explain it (unless it will be cleared up in another chapter) Thoughts on it is very much appreciated :)

When Makoto died he got two choices; either he could start working as a grim reaper, or he would disappear completely from the world. Apparently the whole ‘heaven and hell’ thing was in fact something that man had made up and therefore that wasn’t even an option. Of course, the thought of disappearing forever was terrifying, even more so than the fact that he was dead. Almost as in panic he agreed to take the job, with a smudge of hope that he might be able to live again someday. As soon as he signed the contract though, all of his memories from his life were erased.

They told him it was better that way.

In no time at all, he had his first job. One of his colleagues, Kisumi, accompanied him to it. It had been a strange experience, standing in a bedroom of a dying old woman, without being noticed. Kisumi had patiently told him things that was necessary to know while the woman wheezed out her last breaths and suddenly the bedroom was gone, replaced with an empty, old-fashioned coffee shop. While Makoto had been prepared for it he was still startled, but not as much as the old woman who sat opposite of him. She looked around her and when her eyes landed on him and Kisumi, a sad smile found itself on her.

“Let me guess. I’m dead, right?” she said softly as her hands cupped a coffee mug that suddenly appeared. The words weighted more than Makoto had realized and even though she already knew the answer he couldn’t confirm it for her.

”That’s right. You’re dead.” Kisumi, who sat calmly beside him replied with a kind smile. The woman looked down into her coffee and mumbled a bit to herself, but her smile didn’t falter. She must have known that it was her time but Makoto still couldn’t help the lump in his throat or the stinging in his eyes.

They sat in silence for a while, Makoto glancing over her time and time again. Her wrinkled face looked oddly at peace considering the bizarre situation they were in, but Makoto saw another thing he couldn’t keep his eyes of. From her left side, where her heart lay, a small orb of light that looked worn out and charred emitted light.

He had learned about souls before he was put to work, how everyone’s looked different from another, but he hadn’t been prepared to see it so vividly. However, he didn’t have much time to think about it before he was nudged by Kisumi. He expected him to wrap it up. Slowly he tried to collect himself and then said her name. She looked up to him with a calm expression.

“You now have two choices. One is that your soul will be kept with us until it seize to exist. In other words,” he took a shaky breath, on the edge of a sob but when the woman only nodded at him, still as calm and collected as she probably had been all her life, he continued. “you will disappear completely, no chance of returning. The other option, is to be reincarnated.” he finished and gave a small glance towards Kisumi, who didn’t meet his gaze.

The woman however twirled the still full cup in her hand, obviously considering both possibilities. With a small sigh she once again met Makoto’s eyes.

“My life has been very good things considered, but I have no wish to live again. I don’t want to be reborn. I want to disappear.” the last words came out in a whisper but they were loud and clear in the empty room. Makoto was surprised at her confidence but Kisumi didn’t bat an eyelash.

“Very well then.” Kisumi suddenly said and smiled at her before he leaned forward and gave a small peck against her forehead. Slowly the woman started to fade away, until only a small sphere of light remained, the woman’s soul, which Kisumi collected in a small glass jar. It was over so quickly that Makoto didn’t even realise that the coffee shop was long gone and they were back in their bright office.

“See, that wasn’t so bad? The older ones are usually the most calm about it. But this was the only time I will help you. From now on, every person you are assigned to help, you’ll help them alone, okay?” he said cheerfully as he grasped the jar harder in his hand and walked away his room on the other end of the hall.

Makoto had too many questions. He wanted to ask Kisumi what he should do if he couldn’t handle it. Why they collected the souls even though they hadn’t a purpose of keeping them.

Why his two options had been different from the old lady.

 

* * *

 

Eight years had passed since his first day as a grim reaper. Most people just looked at him in wonder when he told them who he were and why they were there. The old idea that one should wear a black cloak and a scythe as a grim reaper was getting too cliché to hear nowadays, and regardless of what option the people chose he still felt guilty of his job. It wasn’t like he had a choice anyway. His contract was set for literally an eternity and as a grim reaper he couldn’t die, apparently.

He wished that he could set aside personal emotions when he did his job. He wished he could be as cold as Sousuke and not feel a thing, as bright as Kisumi and just be happy to help them. But the only thing he could feel when he set a soul loose or sent it away to be reborn, was sadness. When he had been there for almost a year, he learned that all souls were collected and put in a storage. The ones who were to be reincarnated were kept in a room until they found a body that would work for them. Usually they could send them away after only a few weeks, but some souls were in there for years.

The the souls that was meant to disappear were kept in a separate room in jars and Makoto still didn’t know why, nor did he have permission to go in there. When he asked around his colleagues none of them wanted to answer and told him that he wouldn’t find out until he had worked for over fifteen years.

Makoto had only worked eight years but he had already seen the same soul twice. The poor little girl was younger than the first time, had a different name and appearance, but her soul was still the same. His heart ached when he had met up with the five-year old brunette, who had no clue why she wasn’t living any longer. Just remembering that her name was Chigusa from her first visit made it worse and he couldn’t handle it and called in Kisumi, who only protested a little. He might have been the one to tell Makoto to help his own people, but he still loved to help children make their decisions.

It was easy with old people, explaining the situation and giving them their two options. It was never easy with children.

Which is why Makoto was feeling anxious when he saw the papers in his hands. Before he even could collect himself, he was in place. It was always horrifying, watching a human die. No matter how many deaths he saw he would never get used to it. This time, it was a young boy with black hair and pale skin, struggling to get to the surface in the water. He couldn’t have been more than twelve years old and was now drowning in front of Makoto and he could do nothing to stop it. Another boy wasn’t that far away and were swimming towards the scene, yelling out the boy’s name. However, Makoto already knew it was futile and he felt bad for the other who would probably live with this for the rest of his life.

He watched helplessly as the dark-haired boy finally gave up, no more air in his lungs or strength in his arm. As the body stilled and the other red-haired boy reached the lifeless body, the scenery changed. Though the deaths were always painful for Makoto, he didn’t want to think about the ones who actually knew the dead. He couldn’t even imagine their sorrow.

Makoto looked around him. When the person died, the grim reapers had decided that their options would be presented in a familiar place. Most people’s subconscious presented their childhood homes, forests, their schools or even a public place that meant a lot to them. The boy’s subconscious showed a large outdoor swimming pool, the sun set high in the sky and the water clear as glass.

It was all an illusion of course, but Makoto found it beautiful.

The boy suddenly stood in front of him with a shocked expression on his face, his clear blue eyes wide open. Most of them didn’t realise they were dead and it was obvious that he hadn’t.

“What happened to me? Who are you?” the boy eventually managed to croak out. However, before Makoto could answer him, the boy froze. He was used to this kind of reaction and calmly stepped forward a few steps, crouching down so he could look the other one in the eye.

“Don’t worry about it for the time being. What is your name?” he gently said with a smile on his face, though he wasn’t sure how about genuine it looked. Of course he already knew the boy’s name, it was always written down when he got his papers, but the dead ones always preferred to say it themselves. With only a little bit of hesitation, the boy opened his mouth again.

”Haruka. My name is Haruka.” he said and looked around him quickly. “What happened?” he asked once again, a little bit calmer but still on edge. Makoto felt his smile disappear. He always tried to stall that question, even after eight years of telling the same thing. However, when the dead ones started to panic and demand to know what was going on, his job became nearly unbearable.

“You were swimming in the ocean,” Makoto started as he memorized what the paper had said. “and you got cramps in your legs and you drowned. Do you understand, Haruka? You died.” he waited for the little boy’s reaction as it was always unpredictable. “I’m sorry.” he added quietly, honestly apologetic. Haruka however didn’t seem to get scared or even angry as most of them became, instead he just seemed sad. It looked like he was trying to speak, a bit hesitant before he finally managed to form words.

”Oh.” he said when it sunk in, almost in surprise, though there was no real emotions behind it. It would have felt more in place for him to say “Is that so?” in that tone instead, but Makoto didn’t say anything about it.

“Is... Is Rin okay?” Haruka mumbled in question and Makoto vaguely remembered the other boy in the ocean. The boy would probably never be alright after witnessing his friend’s death, but he was certain the boy wouldn’t die yet. Therefore Makoto nodded at Haruka in reassurance and the boy visibly relaxed.

Silence settled between them. The boy was probably still confused but to Makoto it seemed as if he didn’t worry about anything else. The dark haired boy hadn’t asked about his parent’s yet and for some reason Makoto believed that he wouldn’t.

“What now?” Haruka asked after a while, a more curious tone than he had before which actually surprised Makoto. He had never helped a child who had been so calm before, and he was at loss of what he should do. The calm blue eyes of the boy rested on him as he patiently waited.

“You get two options.” he composed himself, stood up and put up two fingers. “One is that you let go and stops existing. The other option is that you are reborn. You will live again but you won’t remember anything about who you are now.” he wasn’t sure how much the children understood of the two options, but Haruka simply nodded.

“I choose the second one.” he said without an ounce of hesitation. No further questions, just a determined expression. Though Makoto hesitated a bit, he still bent down and leaned forward to give the boy a small peck on his forehead and watched as the boy faded. When only the soul remained he collected it and couldn’t help the lingering melancholic feeling. The boy had looked at peace but Makoto had during his years started to question if anyone was really happy. Was he a good person for helping them or a bad person for only giving them two choices?

He didn’t know, neither could he do anything about it.

The swimming pool disappeared into thin air and the bright sun transformed into the bright lamp in the endless corridor at his workplace. In his hand Haruka’s soul laid in a small glass jar which now had an etiquette, stating when and where he would be reincarnated. It would be a couple of years until then Makoto thought, as he entered the unlocked storage room. He put down the jar on the spot of the shelf where the boy’s name was written and walked out of the room, not sparing a glance at the empty spots.

Just as they made their choice, their names were placed on the shelf and then the only thing left was to wait. Makoto wondered what happened to the other souls, but he knew by now that asking was futile. He always gave those souls to Kisumi or any other that could access the other room. He headed over to his workstation to calm himself down. He didn’t know when he would be sent out again and he desperately wanted to just call it a day, but it was still to early to be excused.

Just as he managed to sit down on his chair in front of his simple desk, Sousuke stopped in front of him.

He didn’t know much about Sousuke, other than what he’d heard from Kisumi. Apparently the tall male in front of him had been here for over a century and never lost his cool, no matter the situation. Under the eight years as a grim reaper, Makoto had never seen him smile, but considering the job they did he wasn’t all that surprised.

“Want to take a break?” Sousuke nodded to the break room. Before he could agree the taller one was already on his way and Makoto was quick to follow. The usually chatty and loud break room was at the moment empty, too early for a real lunch break and most of the staff were on the field. With a small sigh Sousuke placed two cups under the two different coffee machines and pressed the buttons. At the same time, Makoto sat down at the table in silence, listening to the rustling and hums from the machines.

The sound died out and a cup was placed in front of him. The coffee was black and Makoto silently placed two sugar-cubes in it and stirred with a plastic spoon. Sousuke sat down across from him, seeming to contemplate something. He vaguely wondered why the taller, dark-haired man had suddenly decided to take a break with him, who he hadn’t spoken more than maybe three words to at most. The silence was broken by a cough from the other and Makoto moved his gaze from the table to the teal-coloured eyes that looked back at him.

“That boy you helped today, he will be back again you know?” the taller man’s gaze didn’t leave his and Makoto simply nodded. He knew that by now and Sousuke knew that as well. Was that the reason he wanted to talk to him? However, he wasn’t finished and after taking a sip of his coffee, he spoke again.

“It’s not the first time I’ve seen his soul around. He rarely makes it past his teens, be it from accidents like today or health problem.” Makoto swallowed the sudden lump in his throat and lowered his gaze back to the table. Why was he telling him this? Everyone in the office knew that he didn’t want to talk about the souls he was assigned. He found it easier if his connection with them were kept as small as possible, because it was hard enough for him as it was. Just by knowing their name was painful enough for him.

“The point is, you have nothing to do with it. You don’t cause their deaths, they do that well enough themselves. You simply allow them to choose a last time what they want. That’s your only job. Do you understand?” Sousuke finished talking and put his mug down, eyes never leaving Makoto, as if to make sure would understand. Of course he understood that, he just didn’t know how everyone else could take it so calm. All of the others had been here longer than Makoto. Where they just used to it?

A small creak came from across the room as Sousuke pushed back his chair and collected both of their mugs and placed them in the sink, Makoto’s practically untouched. He didn’t look up as the taller one stopped by the door and turned around, nor when he opened his mouth to add a last thing.

“Don’t get attached to them, it will only get worse.” he mumbled and then he was out of sight, back to his own desk probably.

For a few minutes, Makoto just sat there, to caught up in his own thoughts that he almost didn’t notice when someone put some papers in front of him. He glanced up towards the person and wasn’t surprised to see Kisumi stand by the coffee machine with a small smile.

“The break’s over, back to work.” he said cheerfully, pretending not to notice the distressed expression Makoto wore.


	2. You just know

Fifteen years had passed since his first day here. Saying that he was happy about it was a lie. Saying he was relieved that he hadn’t had a breakdown yet, was closer to the truth. He had gotten more used to it by now, but he was still anxious regardless of what soul he was assigned. He remembered every soul he encountered, and he wondered if he was the only one.

Since last week people at work had been bugging him, especially Kisumi, about the fact that he would finally find out about the other storage room.

As much as he wanted to act indifferent about it, he had been dying to know about what happened to all the other souls since he had first heard of it. He arrived early at the office and was surprised when he was met with none other than their boss Nagisa.

The short blonde man had been in their department the longest so it was no surprise that he was in charge of it. Like with Sousuke, Makoto knew very little of the man and had only seen him a few times, since he was usually locked up in his office. The man happily waved at Makoto and urged him to come closer to the locked storage room.

“Good morning Mako-chan.” the blond said in a cheerful voice and Makoto was startled a bit. He hadn’t expected the other to be so bold when greeting an employee, and for a moment Makoto didn’t know how to respond. However, he didn’t need to think about it as Nagisa took out a key from his pocket and put it into the lock of the door.

”Are you ready to find out what this room is for?” he prompted and gave a small glance towards Makoto, who found himself nodding. Without any further warning, the key was turned and the handle was pressed down and the door opened.

He should have known that it looked the same as the other storage room, but he was still mildly disappointed when he realised. To think he got worked up over a small thing like this. What was the difference?

Nagisa simply walked a few steps into the room and Makoto found himself following. He realised that there was something different, the air was more calm in here, but he didn’t know why. Finally, the blonde man turned around, facing him as the door closed behind them.

“Now, I know what you’re thinking, but let me explain this to you. They look the same, these rooms, but they’re not. See that shelf over there? Take a closer look.” Makoto frowned slightly, but did as he was told and leaned down to examine it. It looked completely ordinary, empty spots for some souls, filled spots with a glowing soul in it, all stacked up neatly. He looked back at his boss in confusion, but the other urged him to continue, so Makoto turned around again. He was just about to get up when he noticed something odd. Rather, two odd things. One was that the etiquettes only had a name. The other thing was-

“There are two names on every spot.” on the same note too, he realised. When he turned around he was more than confused, and Nagisa looked happy to fill in on the missing information.

“That’s right. You know how we say that we take care of souls until they seize to exist? Well, souls can’t do that on their own.” Nagisa took a step closer to Makoto and reached for one of the jars, ‘Miho’ written on it in elegant letters.

“Let me explain. When somebody are born for the first time without reincarnation, a soul is placed in them. However, a soul is too powerful to be held inside an infant and splits in two, on rarer cases more parts, even if it doesn’t want to. The other part of the soul finds another infant. It can take days, and it can take years.” Nagisa turned the jar around in his hand, as if examining it, before putting it back. He paused for a while, making sure that Makoto was listening, before he continued.

“In most cases, the souls find each other. Are you familiar with the term ‘soulmates’?” Nagisa asked but Makoto just looked back at him in confusion. He had never heard of the term here in the office and couldn’t remember if he had ever heard it before.

“It’s a term that humans came up with a very long time ago. It’s a deep connection you have with someone that is hard to explain. Of course it’s actually based on fact. At their late teens humans soul tries to find it’s other part. When the parts of the soul find each other, they are at peace. However, if they do not find each other the first lifetime, they will try again. More often than not because of our system, the souls aren’t synced properly and sometimes both of them are waiting to be reborn at the same time.”

“The souls we collect are more likely to want another chance on earth, but those we keep here waits, until the human with the other part of the soul decides to give up. When we let the two parts of the soul out of the jar, they merge and disappear. That’s what this room is for.” when the short man finished talking, he glanced at Makoto. The taller of them didn’t know how to react, since it was a lot to take in.

“How do you know?” he asked after a while, breaking the silence for the first time.

“Which souls belong together you mean?” Nagisa asked and Makoto nodded. The blond man shrugged as he made his way to the door and opened it, letting Makoto pass first before he closed it behind them. He shrugged a bit before he locked it and placed the key in Makoto’s hand.

“When you see the other part of the soul, you just know.” he said before he walked away towards his office, leaving a distressed Makoto behind.

 

* * *

 

“It wasn’t what you expected, right?” Kisumi asked him calmly from across the table. They were currently sitting in the break room. The day had been unusually calm for both of them, whilst others were running around in the other room and seemed more stressed than usual. While neither he or Kisumi had any work to do yet, the other’s seemed to be buried in it.

“Not really. I didn’t realise that such a thing existed.” Makoto managed to say while looking at the key in his hand. Everyone had their own apparently, so they could easier access the room.

“It’s really amazing you know, to see when the soul becomes whole again.” Kisumi said with a small smile, even though he knew Makoto would never think that any part of his job was amazing. Kisumi didn’t even wait for an answer before he started talking again.

“That’s right, it’s soon time for a new employee.” he said and Makoto looked up at him with furrowed eyebrows.

“Since you are the ‘newest’, you probably don’t know. Every fifteen years or so, we get a new employee, to keep up our numbers.” he explained to him and Makoto wondered what he meant. If they needed to keep up their numbers, did that mean that grim reapers could leave their jobs?

“Who?” he managed to ask after a while and Kisumi blinked at him in confusion.

“Who...? Oh, you mean if I know? Not really, since everyone does not accept it as easily as you and me. But we have a pattern at least.” he took a sip of his coffee which must have been ice-cold by now, but his expression remained as cheerful as usual.

“Pattern?” Makoto asked again, feeling the need to concentrate on Kisumi’s answer. If he knew why, then maybe he would find out why he was picked. Maybe even remember his life before this. The other man seemed to take his time and just as he was about to answer a man patted Makoto’s shoulder and handed him some papers.

“Well, I guess that can wait. You should get some work done.” Kisumi said as he stood up and put their mugs in the sink before he walked out of the small room with a wave. Before Makoto could stop him he was out of sight and the man, Seijurou he quickly noted, gave him a smile.

“Read the papers carefully, you have the honour of recruiting these people.” he said and left too. There were more than ten different documents and all of them were under 25 years old and his usual anxiety increased.

If Makoto didn’t know better he would call this hell.

 

* * *

 

The six first ones had promptly said no and Makoto had almost relieved collected the souls and placed them in the one-of-two room, as he’d learned all of the others had nicknamed it. Just as he came back to his desk to take care of the seventh one, he noticed that the name sounded familiar. He quickly made his way to the scene and almost froze right on place.

The man was crying on the floor, in a small room with only a bed and desk. In the dark Makoto couldn’t quite make out his form, but his papers said that he had taken pills not too long ago and Makoto noticed after a while how the man’s movement stilled. A couple of minutes passed before the room turned into a garden, the ground and trees covered in snow. The cold was not real but Makoto still found himself shivering slightly as the man suddenly turned around, as if just realising he was not alone and Makoto let out a pained gasp when he saw him.

The man’s hair was a unique shade of red as was his eyes and there was no mistake that it was the same boy he had seen when he took care of Haruka’s soul. The name had sounded familiar, because he had heard it before from the boys lips.

“You’re Rin.” Makoto let out in surprise and immediately wanted to punch himself for saying that out loud when he saw the man’s reaction. He took a step back and his eyes widened in surprise.

“Who the fuck are you?” he yelled out before he seemed to remember something as he looked around them. He had no time to answer the rude question before Rin knelt down on with his hands gripping each side of his head and stared at the ground in front of him. Makoto knew that the other had fully realised what happened earlier as the red-headed started to swear to himself and Makoto wondered what Rin was thinking.

A few minutes passed like that. Makoto’s arms had fallen to his sides when he had remembered that it wasn’t cold and he silently waited for swearing man to calm down. Eventually, the red eyes focused on Makoto’s feet and his gaze turned upwards to the taller brunettes face.

“I really did kill myself, didn’t I.” it wasn’t a question, it was a statement but regardless of which Makoto nodded at him. He wondered what was going through the other’s mind at the moment. Was he regretting it?

“Well, fuck.” he mumbled to himself and a small sniffle escaped. Makoto was used to people crying but it was always heartbreaking to hear it. As he stood on a distance and waited for the other to calm down, not allowed to go near unless the other had made the decision, Rin started talking with a strained voice.

“My best friend died when we where kids, he drowned when I challenged him to a race. I didn’t even know he was until I turned around and didn’t see him any more.” he took a deep breath and Makoto found himself do the same thing, not wanting to hear it again. It was bad enough that he had seen it himself seven years ago. Every death he saw caused him pain. However, he wasn’t allowed to interrupt him and silently watched him with pained eyes as he continued.

“He was already dead when I got to him. I dragged him to the beach and nearly drowned myself, but he was not breathing. My dad died at sea too. My mom had said that it wasn’t my fault, but who else’s could it be?”

Makoto wanted to tune it out. He really did, just stop listening and then carry out his job like he was supposed to, but he couldn’t. Something screamed at him to stand still and listen to the man and he reluctantly did.

“I started working as a lifeguard when I graduated. I didn’t see any other profession that I wanted. It went fine for a while until a week ago.” he took a shuddering breath, trying to calm himself but Makoto wouldn’t blame him if he couldn’t. “A kid drowned, I didn’t notice until it was too late. He couldn't have been more than eight or nine years old. Fuck. He even looked like Haru, my friend. I tried to not think of it, but of course it was the only thing that I did." he paused yet again, but made no move to talk again.

Taking it as his cue to finally say something, Makoto opened his mouth.

“I’m really sorry, Rin. I took care of Haruka’s soul and I don’t think he blamed you at all.” as soon as he had finished the sentence he had realized his mistake and Rin snapped his attention back to him and rose to his feet.

“’Took care of’? Is he here? I want to see him, no, I need to see him.” the red-headed took a few steps towards him with a look of desperation.

“That’s not possible.” Makoto managed to say between Rin’s questions while avoiding eye-contact, not wanting to see his nearly accusing eyes. “He will reincarnate in a matter of days, and we can’t leave this place until you have chosen one of two options.” he continued, but Rin looked at him stubbornly.

“What is that supposed to mean, ‘two options’, just take me to him. Please, I need to see him.” Rin said frantically and took another step closer, making Makoto take a step back.

“I can’t. None of your options is reincarnation. You have to choose between becoming a grim reaper or stop existing.” Makoto realized how it sounded the moment the word left his lips.

“Why can’t I choose reincarnation? What, I have to be what you are or just be erased? If I choose to be a grim reaper, then what? Can I see Haru then?” the red-headed glared at him fiercely.

He didn’t know how to answer him, because truthfully he had never considered it. The only other time Makoto met people who weren’t grim reapers where when their time was up. He knew that Rin wouldn’t want to meet Haruka like that. Then again, he wouldn’t remember who Haruka even was, would he? But even though the thought circled his head, he couldn’t bring himself to lie to the other.

He was about to tell him that he couldn’t change anything about it, so he wouldn’t make the choice based on lies, but a flutter of the man’s soul stopped his words before they reached his tongue. An ache in his chest that felt all too familiar appeared and something seemed to click into place as his boss’s words echoed inside his head.

_“When you see the other part of the soul, you just know.”_

The reason why Rin kept talking about Haruka was because they were soulmates. The other man didn’t know it himself obviously, but his soul was more than aware of it. Makoto didn’t even realize that Rin had gone quiet and was staring at him in confusion whilst he stared at the orb of light, but Makoto was now facing a whole new dilemma he hadn’t ever considered.

What happened to the souls of grim reapers?

“Hey, are you okay?” Rin suddenly said in what sounded like concern, successfully making Makoto snap back to reality, or at least to the reality he knew of. His throat clogged up and if he had actually needed to breath he would have found himself unable to.

He realized with dread that he couldn’t do it. He didn’t wish anyone the job of a grim reaper and Rin wouldn’t choose to disappear even if Makoto pleaded and the thought of Rin and Haruka’s souls never being whole saddened him more than he even thought was possible.

“Rin.” Makoto said sternly and straightened his back, feeling more determined than he could remember he’d ever been. “You want to be reincarnated, like Haruka?” he didn’t need to ask the question because he knew that Rin would nod before he even saw it.

“I’ll fix it. Choose between disappearing or being reborn, and I’ll take care of all the consequences.” he had no idea what kind of consequences he would face, but right now he saw a chance. A chance to stop Rin from making a decision he would regret every day.

Rin stood speechless for a second before his face lightened up in pure relief. He took a final step forward and wrapped his arms around Makoto who stiffened in place before he relaxed at the touch.

”Thank you, thank you.” Rin nearly cried out as he hugged the taller one tighter. The hug lasted nearly a minute before Makoto gently pushed him away.

“You need to say it out loud, so the deal is sealed.” he smiled at him and the other nodded as he repeated his wish. He carefully leaned to the other’s forehead and pressed his lips against it , and when his body faded away and left only the glowing soul behind, Makoto could almost say that he felt at ease for once. The weight in his chest was still present but it didn’t seem as heavy as before.

He had just reached the reincarnation room and placed Rin’s jar on the spot where his name was written, when a hand grabbed his shoulder and roughly turned him around. An involuntary yelp escaped from his lips in surprise and he almost lost his footing but managed to stay upright. The action itself had shocked him but not as much as the angry face of Sousuke he was met by.

“What were you thinking?” Sousuke growled at him and Makoto didn’t even dare to pretend that he didn’t know what the taller man was talking about.

“I did what I felt was right.” he tried to say calmly but his voice wavered as the answer seemed to enrage Sousuke even more.

“You’re supposed to do your job! You don’t question the decisions made by the higher-ups and you don’t give people other choices! Do you have any idea what you’ve done?!” he yelled now and Makoto couldn’t back up any more, already pressed against the shelf with his furious coworker in front of him. Of course he knew that the rules were made for a reason and he had no right to change anything. He had known that and still did it.

However, he couldn’t find any words that could justify his decision and could only weakly shake his head at the question, suddenly feeling way too small in the other’s presence. After a few seconds of silence, Sousuke seemed to realise something and suddenly backed off, still with an angry scowl but more composed than before. However, Makoto didn’t dare to open his mouth yet and the taller man let out a frustrated huff.

“I’ll show you instead.” Sousuke eventually said and walked towards the door and Makoto found himself following, too stirred up to even protest. As soon as he walked out the door, he nearly bumped into someone.

“Sorry! I didn’t see you there!” a female voice said and Makoto looked down just in time to see a young girl with vibrant red hair being led by Seijurou, who looked at him with a frown before disappearing behind a wall. Makoto had no memory of ever seeing her before and before he could turn to ask Sousuke the older had already beaten him to it.

“That’s our newest employee. Her name’s Gou and she was seventeen.” Makoto turned to look at Sousuke in confusion, because her name hadn’t been in any of his papers, but the other avoided his eyes. “She was supposed to live to be 94 years old, but because you changed Rin’s options, the higher-ups set her up in a car crash. Quick, effective. Thanks to you, she didn’t get any choice and was immediately assigned as a reaper. She was also Rin’s sister, not that it matters now, because she doesn’t know any of this.” finally Sousuke’s eyes met his, but the relief he had felt earlier this day had been consumed by a new-found guilt, and the judging teal-blue eyes only worsened it.

“Rin’s time was out, her time was far from it. Remember every time you look at that girl, that this was entirely your fault. Every other soul’s choices is something you can’t control, but this one is all on your conscience.” he muttered in a dark voice and started to walk away from Makoto without a second glance.

Makoto had had a gnawing feeling in the back of his head as he had promised Rin that he would take care of the consequences, but he now knew that this was something he hadn’t been prepared for.

For the first time in fifteen years, Makoto felt more than empty. As the others words sunk in like sharp daggers, he felt a tiny tear escape his eye, then another one, and another one.

For the first time in his fifteen years of being a grim reaper, in the middle of the empty corridor, Makoto finally broke down and cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's really long but there was no way to shorten it and I really wanted to get it out :) Comments and thoughts are appreciated :) RinHaru is confirmed, but I don't want to tag it just yet and I'm still undecided on other parts :)


	3. A short relief

It had been Kisumi who found him after a while and with a concerned look he had taken Makoto’s hand and dragged him up from the floor. He didn’t ask if he was okay, since the tear-tracks on Makoto’s face were still fresh as he wobbled to his feet.

“Calm down Makoto.” Kisumi gently said with a small smile as he started to dust off Makoto’s shirt. Then, with a more serious look on his face, “Nagisa wants to see you in his office as soon as possible.”

He knew that he was in trouble now and despite a voice telling him cheerfully that he might get fired, he actually didn’t feel relieved for one bit. He nodded weakly in reply and without pause they both walked away from the corridor.

As soon as they entered the room all heads turned to him, almost burning into his skin. There was no doubt that the whole office knew about what he had done and he briefly wondered how the word spread so fast. He looked down to the ground as he walked and felt more than saw when the heads turned down to their desks again. The small distance to his boss’s office still seemed to drag on forever and he felt more and more nervous as he approached the man’s office. Kisumi closed the door behind him just as he passed the threshold, leaving him alone with his boss.

The expression the other wore weren’t as judging or cold as his colleagues had been, but his face left no trace of what he was thinking which felt a thousand times more scary. He sat with his hands crossed in front of him and his gaze never left Makoto’s. A simple hand gesture from the blonde man made Makoto sit down on the chair opposite of him, but not one word had been uttered since he’d stepped inside the room, making him tense up involuntarily.

He wished there was something to distract him. A ticking of a clock, a rustle of paper from someone on the other side of the door, but it was almost as if the room was sound-proof. He couldn’t even hear his own thoughts any more, as if he had gone completely blank.

“Well Makoto, I suppose that dragging it out any longer will not benefit for any of us. We both know why you were summoned here, so that saves us some trouble.” The shift from silence startled Makoto a bit and when he caught the look of disappointment in the other’s face, he had to look away. It felt as if he were a child being scolded by a parent, though he didn’t even know when or if he had even been one in his former life.

Nagisa looked down on his desk and ruffled some papers, seeming to look for something. It had to be only one, maybe two hours since Rin had made his choice, yet it felt as if it had happened weeks ago and they finally busted him. The amount of paperwork that Nagisa was currently browsing through managed to strengthen that illusion.

“In all my years of working in this department I can honestly say that this is a first and I guess that the paperwork speaks for itself.” he dropped the bunt and gesticulated over it with a small unamused smile. “Lots of ‘special rules’ and changes to other people’s destinies. Gou would have affected a lot of people if this wouldn’t had happened, for better and for worse.” a sigh escaped him and instead of looking mad or annoyed he just looked tired. Makoto wondered if he should say something but given the position he sat in right now he hardly dared to blink.

“You need to answer me truthfully. I know that you hate this job, even my bosses know that, but that’s not why you’re here.” he didn’t even pause for a confirmation before he continued. “You’re here because you made the choice, and once you made it there’s no going back. We can’t make it undone.” he tried to make eye-contact but Makoto turned away, too afraid to actually get his last part of hope crushed. If he believed that there was a chance that he could get away from this, he might be able to pull it through. He didn’t want to hear the truth.

Seeing as no reaction was made, Nagisa seemed to drop the matter.

“The only thing I need to know is why you gave him two new options.” the shorter man said with a gentle look on his face, as though he didn’t blame him.

“I only did what I felt was right.” he repeated for the second time that day, suddenly wondering if he tried to convince himself or Nagisa. For the moment it leaned more towards the former than the latter. The older man gave a sad smile and he almost missed it before it was gone.

“That’s all, you are free to go and carry on with your work.” he said and scribbled down something on the papers in front of him. However, a new feeling of unease washed over Makoto as he stood up from the chair.

“That’s it? They’re not going to punish me?” he asked with hesitation.

“They can’t technically punish you, since you’re an employee, but they know now that you saw something in this ‘Rin’ and they will most probably use it against you. I believe that they will punish you through him. I mean, they started immediately with recruiting Gou, who according to my files were his sister...” Nagisa suddenly trailed off and stared at his desk with unfocused eyes, but Makoto didn’t need to hear more anyway.

Suddenly cold to his bones he bowed towards the other man and excused himself as he left the room without a single glance backwards. Instead of going back to work like he was supposed to do he grabbed his coat and exited the building. He didn’t have the energy left to even pretend that he could do it.

A little over a week passed and even though he managed to make it to his office cubicle, he could only stare at the papers before someone took over them with an irritated huff. He hated the fact that his co workers found him to be a nuisance, but he couldn’t go home to his empty flat where all his thoughts could haunt him. Something inside him realized that it was exactly the same thing at work since he didn’t take care of any souls, but here he felt a bit more distracted.  
He still hadn’t looked Gou in the eyes since she started and when she greeted him like anyone else and not someone who had put her into this mess he felt the guilt ripping through him, almost threatening to tear him apart. The fact that she didn’t look miserable at all, only deeply determined every time she was handed a new soul, did nothing to ease his despair.

After glancing at his never ending pile of papers for what was probably the eleventh time today, Kisumi appeared in the opening of his cubicle. The whole week he had left Makoto alone, giving him encouraging smiles from a distance and hadn’t pushed him to actually do any work at all. Makoto had been more than thankful for that, even though Sousuke among others had apparently scolded the older man for his behaviour.

“You’ve been frowning all week, if you don’t watch out you might end up looking like that forever.” was the first words he said. Makoto didn’t bother to reply.

“Come with me for a while, since you probably won’t get anything done here anyway.” Kisumi said after a lingering silence, but when Makoto made no move to get up from his chair, the taller grabbed his forearm and tugged at him until he was forced to stand up and follow him.

“Do you know what day it is?” Kisumi said wit ha grin, as if he wasn’t dragging Makoto behind him. The younger had no idea what day it was, other than a regular Tuesday, but he wasn’t about to ask. They were heading towards the reincarnation room, which Makoto hadn’t even spared a second look at for days, but were now standing in front. Still with a firm grip around Makoto’s arm, as an assurance that he wouldn’t run away, he opened the door with his free hand and pushed Makoto inside the room.

When the door closed behind them Kisumi finally let go and walked to a nearby shelf. Makoto had no idea what they would do in here and hoped that whatever Kisumi had planned would be quick so he could go back to his desk again. It didn’t take long until Kisumi’s hand had grasped a jar and dangled it in front of Makoto’s face.

The jar with the familiar soul in it had “Haruka” scribbled on the etiquette and he suddenly knew what day it was. It was time for him to be reborn but Makoto had never been allowed to participate in the process before, with various of excuses from his coworkers.

Until today he guessed, since Kisumi took a hold of his hand yet again and forced it open as he placed the jar containing the half of a soul in his hands. For a moment the younger one simply stared at it, not knowing what to do with it and he looked at Kisumi for some sort of guidance.

He didn’t have time to explain, because suddenly they weren’t in the reincarnation room any more. Just like their regular routine, the scenery shifted, but to Makoto the difference hung heavy in his head. This wasn’t a place based on someone’s memory, he realized as he found himself in a dull looking room filled with various people. He could hear screams coming from in front of him and soon all kinds of sounds filled the room. Suddenly an older woman moved from the middle of the room in a hurried pace and walked right past him, as if she couldn’t see him. All the screams and noise filled his ears and he felt relieved when he turned his head and saw that Kisumi stood beside him, looking calm and collected.

“What’s going on?” Makoto said in a stressed voice. The lady walked past him again toward a bed that Makoto realized were the cause of all the commotion. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand on his shoulder, having been focused on trying to figure out what this had to do with Haruka's soul.

“The woman is giving birth and Haruka’s soul is for her child." another scream was heard, but Kisumi wasn't the least bothered by it. "This is the natural progress of things, but not many volunteer for this part of the job. You'd be surprised by how many can be calm with the dead but freak out when a new life is involved." he paused a bit and seemed to look past the crowd but Makoto couldn’t see anything from where he stood.

Suddenly, another scream was heard, shriller and definitely not the woman’s. People were fumbling around and walked right next to the two of them all the time and just as if someone had pressed on a switch the nearly chaos that had engulfed Makoto died out. The woman on the bed was revealed and although she looked messy and tired to the bone, Makoto knew she was beautiful. One of the other women in the room bent down to the woman’s level and happily said ‘It’s a girl.’ to her, before a bundle was placed in her arms.

“It’s time.” Kisumi said and startled him. “Let’s get closer.” he said and without any warning walked right through one of the women standing in front of him. The way he had done it was as if he hadn’t seen her, but Makoto was a hundred percent sure that he had.

He hesitantly took a step forward and reached out his arm, only to discover that it went right through the woman as well. A shiver of discomfort ran through him and the sinking feeling in his stomach was back. He always knew that he was dead, but all humans who’s spirit he had taken care of had always been able to touch him and vice versa.

He didn’t have time to think of it for long as Kisumi grabbed the outstretched hand and pulled him closer to the bed. No sooner than he had released his grip did he look at Makoto.

“Open the jar.” he prompted and Makoto complied immediately and the lid just barely made it off before the soul flew out. Before Makoto had the chance to blink the soul floated away towards the baby and settled on the small chest, before sinking through the skin with a small, last glow. All the while Makoto could only watch as if spellbound.

“Sorry to break it to you, but we have to get going again.” Kisumi startled him and before Makoto could protest, the room disappeared right before his eyes and he was back in the storage room. Blinking furiously with his eyes to get used to the dimmer lights, he turned to Kisumi, who had a small smile on his face.

“Sorry if it was rushed, but we try to take as little time as possible when we bring the soul back to earth. You see, some peoples souls can sense us and an hour of our presence can change their lives tremendously. So if possible, we try to avoid it-” Kisumi didn’t get to continue as Makoto suddenly interrupted him.

“I want to do this instead.” he said quickly with a firm determination. He had seen plenty of people die, but this was the first time he had actually seen someone brought to life. It had felt a thousands times better and if he could do it again he wouldn’t have to take care of the other souls.

“It doesn’t work that way, Makoto. Not everyone is allowed to do this and there’s already plenty of people who reincarnate the souls. It’s not really our department either, but we get to do it sometimes. Besides, you’ve already gotten in trouble and I don’t know if Nagisa would agree with it.”

“Does he need to know? Can’t I take your souls?” Makoto was getting anxious. If it meant less time with dead souls he would do anything.

“Didn’t I just mention that you’ve already been in trouble? Are you crazy? Do you have a deathwish- no, scratch that, realized we’re not living- do you really want to make your job worse?” Kisumi, who were usually so easy-going and happy, looked at him with a frustration Makoto had only seen when some of his coworkers had helped stubborn children. It was so unfitting for him that Makoto nearly missed the last thing he said.

“For me this is already the worst I can imagine. If I’m not allowed to bring souls back and see life, then I would really suffer. Please, Nagisa won’t agree, can't I help with some of yours? I promise, if anyone finds out I'll take full responsibility." Makoto said with determination, meaning every word he said. For a moment they only stared at each other, Makoto almost pleading and Kisumi with a tired expression. Eventually Kisumi broke the silence, much to the other's relief.

"Okay, I’ll let you. Just promise me that you will be careful and follow the rules. And don’t let anyone find out about it or we’ll both be roasted alive, regardless if my name is mentioned or not." his hand fumbled around in his pocket for a bit until he found what he's been looking for. He withdrew his hand and stretched it out towards Makoto.

"Take my key. I'll go and get a new one." he said and tossed the metallic object towards him. Makoto quickly caught it and looked at the other in confusion.

"Won't they suspect something weird is going on if you show up for a new key?" Makoto questioned as he put the key in his own pocket. At that, Kisumi gave him grin.

"As I said, people are glad to skip this duty. Besides, I know how to charm the ladies so it won't be an issue." he said with a playful wink before going to the exit. Before he left the room, he stopped himself and turned around one last time.

"Be careful. And try to not get caught, okay?" he said with a kind smile and Makoto nodded at him, his relief shining through even though he tried to hide it.

Makoto had a really good feeling about this.

* * *

He had been right. Being able to take care of the rebirths had been the best thing he had ever done since he got this job. Of course he spent more time with those who were to make their decisions, than with the souls who were to come back. After all, Kisumi couldn't give away all of them to him and he was supposed to do his own job as well. But at least it eased his anxiousness tremendously, so he was extremely grateful.

He found himself intrigued by the humans he saw in his brief moments on earth. Mostly he was summoned into a room in a hospital, as Kisumi had explained was the norm. But a few times He had found himself in the strangest of places. On time he found himself in the front seat of a car that had pulled over and he had been so surprised by it that he almost forgotten what he was doing. Another time he was in a forest and the woman had been all alone.

That time he had stayed longer than necessary, frustrated that he could do nothing to help her. However, after nearly two hours, a man had emerged from the trees and found the woman. As soon as the man had knelt beside the then sleeping woman, Makoto had left. Seijuro had approached him when he came back and scolded him for hiding as soon as work showed up on his desk. Makoto hadn't commented on it and only apologized briefly before he took the papers away from the older reaper.

For almost a year he'd sneak around without telling anyone what he was up to. If people suspected it they kept quiet about it, but there was no secret that they all wondered where his occasional smiles came from.

“What are you doing?” A deep voice rumbled behind him, making him almost drop the jar in his hand. Makoto had thought that he was alone in the reincarnation room, but apparently he had been mistaken. He turned around and came face to face with none other than Sousuke, but judging from his gaze at the jar he knew exactly what Makoto was doing.

This was bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay an update!


	4. Stop thinking about it

Was there anyway to get away with this? Claim that he was just putting down a newly collected soul? Makoto glanced down at the jar, which was obviously empty. Of course that wouldn't hold, they never left empty bottles on the shelfs. Maybe he could run past him, and avoid a conflict until he could think of an excuse?

Sousuke started walking towards him and even though he only had a few centimetres on him Makoto felt as if the other was twice as large and pretty intimidating for the time being. He stopped not far from Makoto and with a frown on his face he brought up his hand. At first Makoto thought he was going to punch him and instinctively closed his eyes, because it didn't seem that out of place to do for someone like Sousuke. But no pain from a punch came. Only a soft clinking sound right next to him could be heard, and Makoto opened his eyes with small confusion and turned his head.

Sousuke had placed a soul-filled jar on the shelf right next to him and though he didn't say anything he still looked annoyed.

"If you seriously thought I would punch you for being an idiot then you must be dumber than I thought." he said as he looked at Makoto from the corner of his eye. "If you wanna risk everything just to be less pitiful, I won't even bother to stop you." he continued and brought up a note from his shirt-pocket. He then brought up another filled jar and Makoto saw that he had around a dozens of them in a bag. Acting like he didn't hear the comments, because at this moment it seemed as if Sousuke wouldn't do anything, he turned towards the other man with a curious look on his face.

"Why are you carrying so many souls? Did something happen?" he didn't know why he would ask it, maybe just to take the conversation as far away from him as possible. Because even though they were the only two in the reincarnation room, there was a big possibility that someone else could drop by and hear them. At least he could direct the attention away from him if that were to happen.

“Sort of. I’m covering for Gou. She’s got a few days off.” Sousuke shrugged as he glanced down at the jar in his hand and placed on the shelf beside Makoto.

“Why?” Makoto ignored the hammering of his heart. For a grim reaper to take a few days off something serious must have happened, and although he barely knew Gou he knew a lot about her and couldn’t couldn’t help asking, out of curiousness and of course concern. He sought out Sousuke’s eyes but the other one didn’t look up from his paper, seeming to hesitate. The taller man’s eyes moved for a second up to met Makoto’s but quickly looked down again.

“She remembered.”

Those words stretched out across the storage room and almost seemed to echo even though Makoto knew it was all in his head. Remembered what? There was something that Sousuke was clearly uncomfortable with sharing, as if the matter was private, but Makoto couldn’t find the meaning of the words. The older one didn’t seem to understand the other’s confusion.

“You know, remembered.” he said once again, this time a little more empathises on the word as well as a shaking gesture with his hand, but when Makoto still looked like a living question mark, he frowned.

“Come on, everyone remembers eventually. I did after four months here and you’ve been here like what, sixteen years?” he said it like it was the most obvious thing and Makoto was nearly convinced that he did indeed know what it meant. But he had no clue. He shook his head, a frown appearing on his face that could match Sousuke’s right now, both of them equally confused.

“I’m sorry, but I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Makoto finally said. Sousuke’s eyes suddenly widened a bit and he cast a glance over his shoulder, even though they were alone in the room.

“You mean you haven’t gotten your memories yet?” he whispered, and Makoto, who still didn’t know what memories he talked about, shook his head with hesitancy. A small scoff escaped the taller one, and Makoto heard him mumble ‘unbelievable’ under his breath.

"Memories from your life before becoming a grim reaper. The higher-ups keep all memories from the employees for a few months, just to get them into a routine. Then they put out a trigger of some sort and all memories will return." he brought up the note in front of Makoto's face and pointed to the name 'Rin'.

"Gou wasn't supposed to reincarnate him. But since he was her brother and she's been here almost a year, they decided it was time." Sousuke lowered his hand and looked Makoto straight in the eye, waiting for a reaction of some sort, but Makoto had found himself unable to speak, thoughts whirling around in circles, making him nauseous. A hazy memory he had forgotten about, from when he had been the one sitting across a grim reaper, the face covered up by the darkness of the room and the voice unrecognisable, as he had agreed to sign the contract.

_"It's better this way Makoto. It's better if you don't know what happened."_

Was that the reason he couldn't remember anything, he wasn't supposed to? His throat clogged up and he wanted to ask more but the words died before he could even let them form in his head. What was his trigger? What had happened that was so important to keep away from him for sixteen years? Did that mean that he would never find out? Something heavy landed on his shoulder and shook him and Makoto nearly jumped in surprise when he saw Sousuke still standing in front of him with a concerned look on his face.

"Stop thinking about it. There's obviously something wrong with this but you shouldn't freak out, okay?" Sousuke talked slowly and looked at him with soft eyes and Makoto found himself calming down a bit. The taller one once again glanced over his shoulder and Makoto wondered why the other one seemed so paranoid, when Sousuke suddenly leaned forward a bit and whispered.

"I can't tell you anything about your former life and neither can anybody else. But you can talk to others and ask about theirs. One of my triggers came from hearing about a colleague's memory and if you're lucky you might too. However, be careful of whom you ask. Not everyone will share and if word comes out that your memories are still lost," he paused a bit. "well, I don't know what will happen but I can imagine it would be bad." he leaned back a bit and his hand that had rested on Makoto's shoulder lifted and immediately went back to his bag with jars.

The atmosphere had changed in the room. It was almost as if Sousuke pretended that Makoto wasn't there, even though he had only moments ago talked to him. The change had been so sudden that Makoto only stood in silence for a minute, before Sousuke glanced back in what seemed as annoyance.

"Well, don't you have work to do?" he said and Makoto surprised himself by nodding. He had some souls to collect, but he still had questions. Sousuke returned to his task while Makoto shuffled on his feet, wondering how he should ask. When Sousuke for the second time looked at him with a sigh, as if to tell him to just say it and get over with it.

"Can you tell me about your life?" Makoto almost whispered.

"No." came the answer after a while, not hesitating or angry. Just a plain 'no'. Before Makoto could ask any more, the other answered his question as if reading his mind. "I'm not a sharer. So don't ask me again. Go talk to someone else. After you finish your job." he left it at that and brought up the note again, as if to say their talk was over for now.

A quick glance at his clock indicated that it was in fact time to stop talking. He'd promised to meet up with Kisumi after he had reincarnated the souls he had been given, which had been almost twenty minutes ago. With a short nod to the older, who didn't acknowledge it, he turned and left the room.

He almost immediately bumped into Kisumi who was on his way to the reincarnation room, probably to see what took him so long. Makoto was quick to apologize, even though Kisumi said it wasn't a problem since he had gotten some souls to retrieve to keep him occupied. As he explained that most of them were kids and had practically been thrown to him, since he was the least bothered by them, Makoto started to wonder who Kisumi was before all this.

He decided that he would ask him another day.

 

* * *

 

Two days later Makoto saw Gou again, but there was obviously something different with her. She looked a bit tired even if she greeted everyone with a smile and Makoto overheard her thanking Sousuke for helping her out. When she passed his cubicle he expected the usual "Good morning" from her, but as he looked up she didn't say a word and didn't even glance at him. His whole body chilled as he realized that she now knew the whole story.

He doubted it was a part of her memory and had a nagging suspicion that Seijuro had filled in some details. Even if that was the case, he couldn’t be mad at any of them. If Gou blamed him for ending up here, he could do nothing but accept it.

It didn’t take long for Gou to leave the room with a bunch of papers in hand and soon the office fell into complete silence, which, to Makoto’s knowledge, never happened. For a minute or two he simply sat at his desk and looked over the names, realising he didn’t have anything to do for at least an hour, before he reacted to the silence. He pulled himself up and peeked over the edge of the square walls surrounding him and was a bit surprised when he couldn’t see anybody around. The small break room was empty, as expected this early, but none of the cubicles where occupied.

Makoto felt as if he had missed out on something big.

Just as he sat down on his chair again, there was a loud bang coming from the far end of the office, that immediately brought him back up to his feet. Just as he yet again peeked over the top, a blur from the corner of his eye stopped in front of the opening to his cubicle and Makoto stumbled a bit in surprise when he recognised the blur.

“Nagisa, you scared me a bit. Where’s all-” Makoto stopped himself, or rather Nagisa interrupted him.

”Hello Mako-chan, can I see your papers?” Nagisa talked fast and seemed a bit stressed and he had already reached for the bunt of papers and started skimming the names before Makoto could say anything. The blonde man’s frown was replaced with a look of relief as he stopped on an unfamiliar name for Makoto.

“Is... Something wrong?” Makoto asked a bit hesitatingly and Nagisa immediately looked up at him, as if he had forgotten that he was even there. He had never seen the older reaper act anything else than professional, and he was quite disturbed with the unfocused eyes pointed towards him. The eyes suddenly seemed to focus and Nagisa seemed to snap out of whatever daze he had been in.

“What? No no, everything is fine. Someone mixed up our papers, that’s all. I’ll just take this” Nagisa quickly said as he dragged out the single paper and dropped the rest of it on Makoto’s desk “and you can carry on with your work.” he didn’t leave room for any arguments and left shortly afterwards. The footsteps echoed through the office and the door to Nagisa’s office creaked as the blonde opened it.

The whole room was now deadly silent. No clock ticking, no one sitting at their desk. If Makoto hadn’t known any better he would have guessed that everyone had gone home, but Nagisa was still in his office and Makoto could see someone walking in the corridor.

When Makoto sat down again he was suddenly struck with the oddness of the situation. Well, the whole scene that had played out had been quite odd itself, but he was sure of two things. One was that Nagisa had never in his sixteen years of working here taken a soul. The other thing was that the man on the paper was supposed to die within the hour.

Was Nagisa really going to collect a soul? He moved his chair closer to the opening and leaned out a bit. The blinds were shut close and if someone moved in there he wouldn’t know.

“Are you spying on our boss?” a rumbling voice came from behind him and Makoto quickly spun around in his chair. Sousuke stood before him with his usual frown and glanced to the office at the back. He looked tired and Makoto wondered if he had dealt with some troubling souls.

“I’m not spying. Just wondering...” he trailed of and looked over his shoulder, but the blinds still covered the windows. A sigh from Sousuke made him turn around. “What?” he asked curiously.

“Wondering...” Sousuke mumbled to himself and walked past Makoto, heading for his own desk. Only when he heard a thump, did Makoto realise that Sousuke had ignored his question. He rose to his feet and gingerly walked the few metres, stopping to peek in. He had never really bothered to look into another one’s cubicle and he realised that he shouldn’t have bothered at all. It looked exactly as his own only a bit messier and he didn’t really know what he expected.

He must have stared at some things for a while lost in thought, because his eyes flashed to Sousuke the second he opened his mouth, though he had no clue what he had said.

“Excuse me?” Makoto tried, feeling a bit embarrassed at the way the other raised his eyebrow.

“I asked if you wanted something. Or are you just getting kicks off annoying me?” he said and Makoto was at loss of what to say. There was a lot of things he wanted. He wanted answers. About his past life, how he could stop working here. Instead he just went with the most recent things he wanted to know.

“Do you know anything about Nagisa?” he asked in a whisper, afraid that if he spoke any louder their boss would be right beside them. Sousuke’s usual frown seemed to deepen and he sat a bit straighter in his chair.

“I do. Did he say anything to you?” he said in a low voice and Makoto nodded automatically.

“Kind of. He came by my desk and took a soul from me.” at that Sousuke sighed. “Have I missed anything?” Makoto asked quietly and he even heard Sousuke mumble something irritably to himself. Makoto was still in the unknown and Sousuke must have sensed that another question was rising in his throat, because he nearly jumped out of his seat with his hands in front of him.

“Stop asking me these things. I have stuff to do and if you really want to find out what’s going on, talk to Nagisa directly. Okay?” Sousuke said in a weary voice, and Makoto instinctively glanced to Nagisa’s office again. He really wondered if it was okay to ask him. He’d been told to be careful who he asks, but then again Sousuke had been the one warning him and was now pointing towards the door, saying in a low voice “just go.”

He slowly departed from Sousuke’s cubicle and steered his steps towards the room. He stopped right in front of the door, once again noticing the silence in the room. He looked towards Sousuke who nodded at him and though it didn’t help boost his confidence, his body automatically responded and he lifted his hand and knocked three times in succession. He heard some shuffling from the other side of the door before it became just as quiet as the room outside and briefly afterwards Nagisa’s muffled words could be heard.

“The door’s unlocked, come in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aha, I shouldn't update this fic before my other but it's hard to keep me away from this one. Anyway, the pairings are kind of decided now;  
> SouMako (eventual)  
> RinHaru (hints of)  
> ReiGisa (it will happen one way or another)  
> SeiGou (mostly hints of it)
> 
> As you'd probably realise the pairing's will not really be the main thing but they will be there and will be important for the plot later on. (I hope or else I'm clueless)  
> I've talked to much, enjoy the update!


	5. Can't stop thinking about it

He slowly opened the door and the first thing he saw was Nagisa sitting behind his desk with a cheerful smile on his face. The desk was messy and papers were scattered all over it and some was even decorating the floor, though one single paper lay neatly in front of his boss. Makoto recognised it as the soul-collecting form, more specifically the one Nagisa had taken from him.

“Hello Mako-chan, is there anything you need?” he said in a dark tone that didn’t match his smile. It was a bit uncanny. He must have known why he got in here, and from the looks of it he didn’t like it. Better just be straightforward then.

“Who is that person?” Makoto said after a brief silence. Nagisa’s mood changed immediately like a switch had been flipped. His cheerful face was now somber, and he let out a sigh.

“Sousuke didn’t say anything to you? What a shocker.” he muttered almost sarcastically. “He’s the only one who knows it. Why do you want to know?” Nagisa said, his mouth just a thin line across his face.

At this Makoto didn’t know what to say. He had gone into this office in hope of finding some answers to his questions. He hadn’t expected that the other wouldn’t want to tell him.

“Because I still haven’t gotten my memories back.” he found himself whispering the next second and regretted it the instant he realized what he had said. Nagisa flinched a bit as if he had been struck and then looked down on his desk.

“Right. I knew that.” Nagisa said but still didn’t meet Makoto’s eyes.

“You knew about that?” Makoto asked in disbelief. A short nod was seen from the older man, who had started to sort through his papers, but it was doubtful that he was reading any of them.

“Yes, I’m your boss after all. But I need to stop you before you try to unload all of your thoughts at once on me. The higher-ups have forbidden anyone to intentionally trigger anyone, and they have no plan at all to let you remember. Especially now since you have broken so many rules, including the rebirths you have taken from Kisumi.”

“How do you know about the rebirths? More importantly, why can’t anyone tell me?” Makoto said, feeling frustrated and lost all of a sudden. Did everyone in the office know about this?

“As I said, I’m your boss and I have eyes and ears everywhere. Besides, there are so many rules regarding these kinds of things.” again, Nagisa seemed to avoid his questions, and Makoto felt himself become frustrated.

“Is there a way to bypass the rules? Can you tell me anything that might be of help?” Makoto almost pleaded in front of the blonde, growing impatient by the seconds. Nagisa stopped at that, and glanced up to meet Makoto’s eyes.

He suddenly stood up and leaned dangerously close to Makoto’s face, and he involuntarily backed a bit in his chair. Nagisa seemed to search for something in his eyes and it was with a sigh that the blonde sat back down in his chair.

“Regardless of what you think Makoto, I do not agree with the higher-ups in any way. We’ve had more than our fair share with disagreements, this one being one of them, so I’ll share this with you.” He let out yet another deep sigh and pulled out the paper-sheet he had taken from Makoto.

“This person was once my lover, or the soul of this person. I knew her in my life on earth, but I died pretty young and in my early years as a grim reaper I broke a lot of rules. She died because of that, and my punishment was to always take care of the soul. When I knew her she was Rei, but the soul has been reincarnated a lot of times. Regardless, no one else but me can take care of this soul. I can’t tell you more than that I’m afraid and it doesn’t help you in any way.” 

“I believe we are out of time now.” Nagisa continued and patted the paper in front of him. 

“I need to collect Rei’s soul. Or, you know, the name this reincarnation goes after.” while the words seemed indifferent, Nagisa’s tone sounded almost sad. One moment he was sitting across from him, then the next he was gone, to whatever location this man was going to die on, leaving Makoto alone in the office.

For a few minutes Makoto didn’t move from his chair, trying to collect his thoughts. He was surprised of how much his boss knew, and he was frustrated knowing now that so much was kept from him. Why? Didn’t they think that he could handle it?

Maybe there wasn’t anything to know? Who he had been before, why he died, maybe there was no purpose? That was impossible. The voice he had heard before, about how it was better if he didn’t know, echoed in his head.

He suddenly remembered what Kisumi had said, that day when he collected Rin’s soul. That all of the grim reapers were chosen through a pattern. He never did tell him, but maybe he never had the intention to tell him at all?

Makoto rose from the chair and walked out of Nagisa’s empty office, almost all of the cubicles filled with his colleagues. He glanced at the clock but he had only been away for 20 minutes. He briefly wondered if there had been a staff meeting he had missed, but they hadn’t had one since last year, when Gou had showed up instead of Rin. He hadn’t been welcomed at that meeting.

His first thought was to find Kisumi, but a quick glance to the other’s cubicle indicated that he was not there. He didn’t really have time to start looking for him either, and decided to sit at his own cubicle and wait until it was time to collect his souls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry if this chapter seems half-assed, because it probably is and it is also super-short I'm almost ashamed of posting it, but there hasn't been an update in months and that is unfair for you guys. I've had this huge writer's block for this story and have tried to distract myself with everything else. I've written my first smut for example ("Can we have sex") and started a side-chapter for this story with Nagisa's backstory. I might finish the side-story if there is enough interest, because you won't get any more of his story than this chapter in the main story. (He will make small appearances though)


	6. The world doesn't revolve around you

He had planned on searching for Kisumi the same day, but the moment he sat down he was buried in paperwork. People walked by and made various excuses as they discreetly gave him almost half of their jobs. Of course it was against the rules, but it seemed as if the higher-ups for once couldn’t bother less, which irritated Makoto a lot. But since he didn’t have the heart to refuse he accepted all of the faceless souls, not even bothering to ask the causes of death, just skimming through them quickly and arriving at the scene.

Tired to his bones and in a sour mood, Makoto was relieved to finally be able to leave for the day. He was the last one in the big office, probably in the whole building. He hadn’t seen Nagisa nor Sousuke since this morning and had hidden himself from view when Gou or Seijuro had walked passed him.

The next day he had arrived a little earlier, in hope of finding Kisumi before they started working. The office was mostly empty and Makoto walked quietly through it, when he saw the reaper he was looking for in the break room. He was just about to call his name, when he saw that he was talking to Seijuuro, both of them looking rather gloomy.

He couldn't recall the last time he saw them talking, though he had been avoiding Seijuuro lately. Seijuuro suddenly stood up and nodded to Kisumi, before he exited the break room, brushing past Makoto on his way to his cubicle. Makoto didn't even realize that he had stared at them until Kisumi turned his head and was looking directly at Makoto, a small smile on his face as he too walked out of the break room towards Makoto.

“Good morning Makoto.” Kisumi smiled at him, although it did not quite reach his eyes.

"Is this a bad time?" Makoto asked carefully, glancing over his shoulder, almost expecting Seijuuro to stand right behind him, but he had disappeared.

"No, I don't think so. Or rather, it depends. If you're looking for reincarnation-souls, I don't have any today." Makoto shook his head at him, and swallowed nervously. "Alright then, what's on your mind?" Kisumi must have sensed that it was something serious, because he slowly walked into the break room again and sat down, urging Makoto to do the same. He was grateful of how observant the older reaper was, and suddenly didn't feel that nervous about asking him.

"Kisumi, may I ask you about your life before you came here?" Makoto almost cringed at how polite he sounded, but Kisumi didn't seem to care. Instead he smiled slyly at him, and it was so unfitting on his face that Makoto had to lean a bit back.

"We've been working together for nearly two decades Makoto, why the sudden interest? Humans are way faster with such private questions." Kisumi said with a grin on his face and Makoto felt embarrassed and slightly angry. How could he know those things if he didn't remember being human?

"Well, we're reapers Kisumi. We have other rules." a lot of rules, he wanted to add, but stopped himself. If he continued like that they would most likely stray away from the question.

"Fair enough. We exist much longer than before. But I've been wanting to tell you, because I feel that we are friends and not just colleagues. It’s not really a sunshine-story though.” he paused, but not on Makoto’s behalf.  
“I had a little brother whom I deeply cared about. He was the only thing I had when our parents left us alone so they could work. They were gone for months at times and we had to live on what we could scrape together. I worked a lot, since my brother was so young, until one day I became very ill.”

Kisumi slumped forward, clasping his hand together and stared at the table, hiding his eyes from Makoto. 

“Of course, I couldn’t afford to see a doctor, and I probably wouldn’t have survived the trip either, so I simply told myself and my brother that I would get better. He knew I was lying, since I only got worse. I couldn’t work and my brother was so scrawny he couldn’t get a job.”

“Well as you can expect since I’m sitting across from you, I didn’t make it. Neither did my brother. He starved to death a few days before me. I didn’t even hesitate when they asked me to become a grim reaper. I felt like I hadn’t done enough in my life, and when I got my memories back I knew I had done the right thing.”

”I’m sorry, I had no idea.” What else could he say? He hadn’t expected an happy ending, but to think that the only memories Kisumi, who was the happiest of all the reapers, had from his past seemed so solemn.

“This was ages ago, I’ve moved past it.” Kisumi shrugged at him, but there were some bitterness in his gaze. “But that’s why I prefer to help the children. I keep thinking about the time when I couldn’t do anything to help my brother. Just knowing that I can ease the whole ‘you’re dead’ experience before they move on is the thing that keeps me going. It’s not really guilt, but more a sense of responsibility I guess...” he trailed off, and Makoto sensed that they should drop the subject.

“You mentioned, when I was to recruit...” he hesitated when Kisumi frowned at him. Neither of them had brought up that day in conversation yet and though he doubted that Kisumi was mad at him, something else seemed to bother him with the subject.

“You said that there was a pattern in how you recruited new employees.”

“Did I? Damn, this is not what you want to hear but nobody can know the pattern.” Kisumi quickly said and looked down, seeming ashamed of it. “I figured it out myself, but after you came along they’ve stopped using it.”

“What? Why?” that if anything seemed wrong. “Does this office circulate around me?” Makoto was now beyond annoyed, but Kisumi just shrugged.

“Nah, as I said, I had already figured it out, must have been other’s too in that case. If there’s a new pattern or not I cannot tell. Since it’s just been you and, well, Gou.” his smile disappeared when their newest employee was mentioned. Makoto hadn’t really thought about it but was Kisumi upset with him for Gou?

“But there was a pattern. Can you tell me?” He might have to be stubborn in order to get answers. To just accept a ‘no’ now didn’t feel right at all.

“No, it’s too risky, considering how much trouble you’re already in.” Kisumi said, seeming to be annoyed with his persistence.

“Please, just tell me! I don’t care about the consequences, I just need to know!” Makoto raised his voice in his frustration but regretted it immediately when Kisumi abruptly stood up from his chair, knocking it back so it fell on the floor with a plastic thump.

“You’re not the only one who will suffer from the consequences. Haven’t you realized that yet, or is Gou not proof enough?” Kisumi yelled at him, frustration and anger painting his face and Makoto was so shocked that he couldn’t come up with an answer to that. Kisumi seemed to realize that he had lost his temper almost immediately, as he turned around and sighed deeply.

"The world doesn't revolve around you. It doesn't revolve around anyone and you need to understand that you're being selfish." Kisumi said lowly, his voice so different from his usually cheerful one.

Without sparing Makoto a last glance he walked out of the break room, with heavy but quick steps. He could only stare as the older reaper disappeared down the long corridor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tada update


	7. The more you know

A few days later, Makoto noticed something was missing in the office. He didn’t really know what was missing, until later that day. Seeing as he wouldn’t get any answers just walking around doing nothing, he walked up to Sousuke’s cube, where the tall man was sitting down and sorting papers. He glanced up at Makoto in acknowledgment but didn’t stop what he was doing.

When he realized he had to say the first word Makoto suddenly felt really awkward and cleared his throat a bit before he asked the question he had been wondering for some time now.

"Where's Seijuuro?" Makoto asked out loud and Sousuke’s hands paused mid-movement for a fraction of a second, before they relaxed and rested on top of the table. Sousuke gave him a surprised look.

"Didn’t anyone tell you?” he asked and Makoto could only shake his head at him. “He's been relieved from his duties.” Sousuke continued, his gaze still locked on Makoto, and Makoto felt uncomfortable under the stare, as if Sousuke was looking for a reaction.

"But we can’t quit. We can’t die."he managed to say, not sure what Sousuke meant. He had tried to get a hold of this kind of information for who knows how long and now it was just handed to him like it wasn’t a big deal. He didn’t get it at all, he must have misunderstood what the other had said.

"Was he transferred to another department?” Makoto tried, his words coated in uncertainty, but Sousuke shook his head.

"There is a way.” Sousuke seemed hesitant to share this with him, but he must have realized that he had already said too much. “It's just never happens and people feel uncomfortable talking about it. It is said to be painful and many chose not to do it."

"Do what?" Makoto was getting impatient, sick of always being kept in the dark.

"Seijuuro's soulmate gave up, meaning that if he didn't want to keep going, they would reunite the souls, thus erasing both from existence."

"We don't have souls." Makoto said with hesitation. If they had he would have seen them every day on all of the reapers working here.

"We had once. They took it when you started working here, keeping it safe." Sousuke didn’t seem convinced himself at his words.

He wanted to know more, ask where they were, if he could go there. However, Sousuke seemed to know exactly what was going on in his head and gave him a warning look. He probably didn’t know himself and annoying him wasn’t something he intentionally wanted so Makoto decided to drop it for now.

"Was it Gou?" Makoto said in an attempt to change subject, as he noticed the absence of the younger reaper. Seeing as the two had been practically inseparable since day one, Makoto wouldn’t be surprised.

"No, Gou wasn’t Seijuuro’s soulmate. Though she didn’t take the news very well, she offered to be the one to reunite the souls. She said that it was the least she could do to repay him or something like that.” Sousuke let out a long tired sigh after that, and looked at Makoto as if daring him to ask him another thing. Perhaps he had overstayed his welcome outside of Sousuke’s cubicle, though just the idea was a bit ridiculous, they both had work to do.

“Right, I’ll ask Kisumi about it later or something.” Makoto said and smiled politely to the other reaper, who didn’t return it, looking tired and mildly stressed.

“You’ll do that or we can talk later. Right now I need to take care of this.” Sousuke said, surprising Makoto a bit. That must be one of the first times he hadn’t completely dismissed him. He quickly nodded at that and left for his own cubicle where a stack of papers laid waiting for him.

Work went by as slow as usual. Nagisa came out from his own office and announced Seijuuro’s departure, in much briefer details than Sousuke did. When Makoto had glanced around him some of his coworkers had indeed looked uncomfortable, and Gou was nowhere to be found.

After that he had went back to work, only to return to a badly written note on his desk.

‘I’m willing to answer your questions, meet me in the one-of-two room after work.’ it was signed _S_ and Makoto didn’t even need to think twice to know it was from Sousuke. So he had actually been serious about talking to him later. A good thing perhaps, since he hadn’t seen Kisumi all day and he wasn’t going to get any answers from Nagisa.

The rest of the day passed by even slower and had left Makoto feeling nauseated. Seeing a person get shot in the head only to look normal and confused in front of him not even a minute afterwards could make anyone feel sick.

Nevertheless, he’d managed to collect the last of the souls, after puking in the nearest wastebasket, and made his way from the now empty office-building. They weren’t supposed to be in the building after the day had ended. However, if somebody saw them they would probably be let off with a warning. What he was more nervous about was what Sousuke had to say.

He checked the corridor for signs of reapers when he stood just outside of the one-of-two, and when he didn’t see anyone he knocked gently on the door. He didn’t wait for an answer and opened the door himself, stepping inside without hesitation, closing the door behind him.

It was dark in the room, save for the countless of souls lined up on the shelves, their light fluttering in their own different colors. It was enough to see at least.

He thought so at least, but still nearly tripped over Sousuke, who sat down on the floor, leaning against one of the shelves. Luckily he managed to catch himself before he actually fell.

“Sit down. There’s no chairs in this room, only shelves. I forgot about that, but at least no one comes into this room after the day is over.” Sousuke said and gestured to the floor beside him. He sounded really tired.

“Tough day?” Makoto asked as he sat down beside the taller reaper, feeling his own exhaustion as he finally sat down after hours of moving around.

“Isn’t it always?” Sousuke sighed at him, but from the dim light Makoto could make out a small smile on his face. It was gone in an instant.

“So, you’ve come here and I promised to answer your questions. What do you want to know?” Sousuke said after a pause and glanced over at Makoto.

“How much do you know?” It was a simple question really, but regardless it was an important one. Nagisa knew everything without a doubt. Kisumi should also know more than he wanted to share. But what Sousuke knew, Makoto had no idea.

“A lot, but not everything. Kisumi is sitting on the whole story, I’m just sitting with a part of it.” He had seemed yet again hesitant to share this kind of information, and considering how deep in trouble Makoto was in, he didn’t blame Sousuke for being hesitant. However, hearing that Kisumi knew everything and knowing he wouldn’t tell him anything hurt a bit.

“I guess I’ll start at maybe the biggest one of them. Don’t freak out and don’t interrupt or I might just decide it’s not worth my time.” A pause. “This isn’t the first time you’ve been a grim reaper.” Makoto couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Sure he said it was a big part of it, but that just seemed ridiculous.

“What? What are you talking about?” Makoto said, forgetting the ‘no interruption’ thing. Luckily Sousuke seemed to let it slip by.

“You were a grim reaper long before I arrived. Even longer than Nagisa.” Sousuke continued, glancing down at Makoto. Was he twirling his thumbs together?

“That’s impossible.” It was, wasn’t it?

“Is it really? You have no idea who you were before and the higher-ups tries so hard to hide your memories from you.” Sousuke frowned at him, probably in annoyance for interrupting him, but who cared?

“Why should I believe you?” He was starting to doubt what the other said, for a good reason. If he was a reaper before, he must have been reincarnated or something and been recruited again and that thought scared him a bit.

There was a hesitation from the other’s side, but this time Sousuke looked sad instead of nervous.

“Because you were the one who collected my soul. A few centuries back, you were the reaper who recruited me and you taught me how to do the job.” He finally said and he turned his head to look Makoto in the eyes.

“You’ve changed since then, reincarnated, but you still have the same eyes. After the incident with Rin I asked Kisumi, who confirmed it.” Makoto felt a chill run down his spine. Sousuke had just confirmed what he feared, but he needed to know more. 

“If I was a reaper before,” he started, his voice shaking slightly. From nervousness or something else maybe. Whatever it was, he felt on edge. “why did I get reincarnated?” It wasn’t something he wanted to know, not really. He couldn’t imagine it being for a good reason, unless he was some kind of saint who got a second chance and blew it.

“I haven’t got all the details, but from what I’ve heard, you were miserable. You were threatening to release all the souls, even going so far as to actually destroying them. They had to put you off duty. Why they choose reincarnation, I don’t know.”

That was not what he had hoped to hear, feeling a sense of guilt rip through him. Though he wasn’t sure why, because it was technically not his actions. Still, he wondered why Sousuke had waited so long to tell him, because even though it was about him, he didn’t get any memory-flashes at all. That, if something, was unsettling.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” He didn’t want to ask why this didn’t bring back his memories, too scared of the answer. Makoto couldn’t manage more than a whisper, still in disbelief about what he heard, but fortunately Sousuke was close enough and heard him. 

“I thought you would be better off not knowing. But when you started questioning everything and breaking rules, I wanted to tell you everything. Problem is, they wouldn’t let me. If they find out that I’ve been telling you this, both you and me will get in trouble.” Sousuke sighed deeply.

Makoto was quiet for a while, letting it all sink in. There were still holes, but if what Sousuke said was true, it all made much more sense. Kind of.

“Thank you for telling me, regardless of the risk.” Makoto smiled at him and Sousuke returned it. The older stood up and started walking to the door, hesitating at the handle. Makoto himself stood up and was about to go to, when he saw Sousuke look at him.

“Was there anything else?” Makoto asked him, making Sousuke snap out of it and shake his head.

“No, just wanted to tell you that you should talk to Kisumi. Tell him that you know the basics. I’m sure he’ll come around and tell the rest.” Sousuke opened the door and left him standing by the shelves.

First thing tomorrow, he would definitely see Kisumi. If Sousuke had been honest, the other reaper should definitely have the answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is 50% "I want to move the plot forward" and 50% "I need to update"


	8. So different from him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspiration hit me to write the ending (Like one or two chapter left to that, we'll see) and then I kicked myself in the ass and wrote the continuation. So here's an update. Please feel free to PM me if I messed up in formatting or if there seems to be parts missing, I skimmed through it.

He didn’t waste any time the next day. Before Kisumi had made it into the building, Makoto stepped in front of him, physically blocking him from the entrance. He was anxious, and maybe Kisumi could see it in his eyes. He still didn’t know if the older would give him the answers he was looking for. If he didn’t now, he would probably never do.

“I talked to Sousuke.” he started, feeling nervousness creep up inside him when he saw how Kisumi frowned. “I know that I was a reaper before. I also know that you know the rest of it.”

“I can’t tell you-”

“Kisumi, please, I need to know everything.“ He wouldn’t let him get out of this, no matter how much Kisumi thought it was worth hiding it. He had already come so far to the truth and he was starting to feel desperate. He needed the whole story. He hoped for his memories back, even small parts of it would satisfy him at this point.

Kisumi seemed to ready another protest, but instead he let out a sigh.

“Nothing I say will change your mind anyway.” he looked around them and then over Makoto’s shoulder. “We should probably take it inside, standing out here for longer will look suspicious. Is there anywhere we can go?” Kisumi said, seeming to be weighted down by something.

“Sousuke and I talked in the one-of-two room yesterday.” that was the only place he could think of. Kisumi nodded almost absently as he stepped passed Makoto, distracted.

“Yeah, it should be empty for most of the day, it usually is.” he said as he opened the front door and stepped inside, not bothering to wait for Makoto.

It didn’t take long to reach their destination and after Kisumi unlocked the door they both sneaked in. Not that they had to, the corridor outside was empty and dark this early.

When they were inside, door closed behind them, Kisumi seemed to search for something, probably something to sit on. After coming up short with other alternatives, he walked over to a shelf and sat down on the floor in front of it, almost exactly where Sousuke had sat the day before.

“You should probably sit down too, or you’re gonna make me nervous.” the older said with what Makoto would call a smile, but was more similar to a grimace. Makoto quickly walked over and sat down beside the other reaper, trying to meet Kisumi’s gaze, but he just stared right in front of him.

There were a few minutes of silence, much like yesterday, but the main difference was that the whole room was illuminated by the lights on the ceiling, giving Makoto a chance to focus his eyes on something while waiting for Kisumi to talk.

“I can only guess what Sousuke said, but I assume he told you that you were a reaper before.” Kisumi said and Makoto nodded, but the other still didn’t look at him.

“Well, you were a grim reaper for several centuries before I arrived. You didn’t quite remember, but from what I’d heard from others, we’re talking over 800 years. When I started working in your department you taught me everything I needed to know.” Kisumi paused and glanced at Makoto for the first time since walking into the room. There was something melancholic in his eyes, and Makoto had to swallow down a lump in his throat.

“We worked together?” Makoto asked, surprised that their roles had been reversed once. It seemed a bit surreal, but then again, this whole situation was surreal.

“We were best friends. You always complained about the job and found that I was the only one who listened to you.” Kisumi answered, this time he couldn’t hide the small smile on his face, but he wasn’t focused on Makoto anymore. His gaze lingered on the floor in front of him, but Kisumi himself was somewhere else.

He didn’t say anything for a while, and Makoto wondered if he should fill the silence with anything, but something seemed to snap inside Kisumi, as if he realized where he was.

“Sorry. You had the same soul as the last Makoto, but you’re so different from him.” Kisumi said, and Makoto felt something twist inside him. He couldn’t tell from his tone if his difference from his former self was a good thing or not.

Kisumi took a deep breath, his voice weary and Makoto involuntarily tensed up, not sure if he really wanted to hear more, suddenly feeling more and more uncomfortable. This might have been a mistake. He started to doubt that this would give his memories back, and this person that Sousuke had told him about, the one Kisumi knew so well, it wasn’t him. Not anymore.

He couldn’t say that to Kisumi though. Not after everything he had said, after everything he had put the older reaper through. Was it all because he used to be someone else, that Kisumi felt obliged to help him?

“You didn’t like the job at all back then either, but you were the one who told me about soulmates, telling me that the only thing keeping you sane was knowing that there would eventually be a way out.” Kisumi stopped at that and Makoto suddenly felt dreadful.  
“What happened? How did I end up as a human again?”Makoto asked quietly, not entirely sure why. Did he really want to know? It didn’t matter, because Kisumi started talking again, almost as if he hadn’t heard Makoto at all.

“One day you were given the task of recruiting, which you happily did. Until you stood face to face with the other part of your soul, and the human it belonged to said yes. You couldn’t do anything to stop what the bosses’ called ‘a minor slip in the system’, and suddenly you had someone new to mentor. Things went downhill from there. You were never happy with your job but the hope of it one day ending was what kept you going. When that was taken from you, you had nothing that made it worthwhile.” 

“Couldn’t they have reunited us?” Makoto asked. Something about this didn’t feel right. Why couldn’t they have done that? It would have been easy, right? However, Kisumi shook his head, staring at the floor.

“No. They told us all they couldn’t do that. We were already too few reapers here, and a reapers soul is different. For us to even exist as we are, without our souls inside us, they do something with them. What they do however, I don’t know.”

“After that, you weren’t yourself. It took a few months, but I could see that something was wrong. Then one day, you went on a rampage.” Kisumi glanced up to one of the shelves with a frown. “You tore down countless of shelves which was filled with souls, but luckily they managed to stop you before you destroyed any jars.”

“They didn’t know what to do with you, so they reincarnated you. At least, that’s what they told all the others. Nagisa and I are the only one in this department that know the truth.”

“What truth?” He was really afraid to ask and was starting to feel sick, something probably imaginary gripping at his throat.

“They-” Kisumi hesitated, but it wasn’t for his own sake this time. He had turned towards Makoto and looked him in the eye, as if asking if this really was something he wanted to hear. If it had already gotten this far, Makoto might as well hear the last of it, no matter how nauseated he was starting to feel.

“-they erased your memories. We can’t die, not really, but I saw it all and it was nothing short of an execution. You should be thankful that you can’t remember that.”

Makoto felt a pang in his chest and his head was starting to spin in confusion and all the new questions that arose.

“I wasn’t reincarnated?” he ask with dread, and unfortunately Kisumi shook his head.

”No. They put your soul away in storage until they could figure out what to do with it. A few years later, they needed more reapers, and without Nagisa and I knowing about it they used yours. Makoto, I’m sorry.”

“But I must have agreed to it, right? Otherwise they couldn’t make me a reaper.” at this Kisumi just shrugged.

“You were recruited like the normal process. I don’t know how they did it though, since you couldn’t have been reincarnated in that short time.” he sighed heavily, and Makoto felt that the others patience were running thin. No matter how much Kisumi knew, he didn’t have the small details. He couldn’t expect him to either.

“Thank you Kisumi.” Makoto said and got a plastered smile in return, Kisumi clearly not that happy at having told him anything. “There’s only one thing left I wonder.”

“Go ahead, I’m already at the point of no return by now.” Kisumi replied as he stood up, stretching his arms over his head as if sitting on the floor had made him stiff. Makoto also stood up and turned to face the other reaper.

“So my soulmate, they’re a reaper?” Makoto finally asked, and Kisumi seemed to freeze on the spot. He gave him a confused look, his arms dropping to his sides.

“He left that part out?” he asked and Makoto wasn’t sure what he meant by that at first, but then it clicked.

“Sousuke’s my soulmate?” he said in disbelief, and if it weren’t for the slight nod in affirmation he got from Kisumi he would have thought he was messing with him.

He didn’t know what he was going to do with this information and knowing that they both would be noticed as absent any minute by now, Makoto thanked Kisumi again and walked out of the room, but the relief he felt had drained away. Instead he wondered why Sousuke hadn’t said anything, since he most probably had known the whole time.

He didn’t know if it would make a difference in the end.


	9. You lied to me

It didn’t take long to find Sousuke, sitting in his cubicle and sorting through papers. However, Makoto was already way behind his work, so if he were to confront the other reaper he had to wait until the end of the day.

The day went on as usual, the only exception for it to be a normal day was that he was assigned more children than usual and wondered if Kisumi had anything to do with it. When he looked up and across the office he rarely saw him throughout the day, but he could have sworn that he had a few more souls to collect than usual.

When the workday was done Makoto weren’t all that surprised to see that Sousuke was still sitting by his desk, probably finishing up the last of the paperwork for the day. Since they were both alone right now Makoto felt that he needed to say what had been on his mind the entire day, and therefore walked up to Sousuke’s cubicle, not even bothering to knock or otherwise make his presence known.

“You lied to me. You said there was nothing else.” he said and didn’t really mean to sound so harsh. Sousuke barely reacted, just turned his head enough so he could glance at Makoto.

“I didn’t lie, I didn’t leave out anything of importance.” Sousuke replied as he collected the papers into a pile and stuffed them in a folder lying on his desk.

“Oh really,” Makoto said, suddenly feeling a bit angry at the nonchalance the other expressed “because I think that mentioning that we are soulmates is a pretty important part. Did you leave out anything else? That you maybe knew every detail but still had me talk to Kisumi?” it was a shot in the dark, because he didn’t actually know how much Sousuke knew. At least it seemed as if he managed to reach out to Sousuke who suddenly stood up and walked towards him, a frown on his face and shoulders tensing.

He might have made him angry and for a split second Makoto thought about backing down, had it not been for his own anger. They both stared at each other, neither of them backing down. Sousuke was the first to end the silence.

“What difference does it make?” he asked and Makoto honestly didn’t know. “They’re obviously not concerned about two reapers souls, or else this wouldn’t have happened. You would have been given the offer and reunited with the other part of the soul.” it took a split second for Makoto to understand that Sousuke was talking about the bosses.

“You keep talking about them but what about you? Don’t you care about your soul? Do you actually like doing this? Do you enjoy watching people die countless of times everyday for the remainder of your existence?” Makoto felt like yelling but he only raised his voice, but it riled Sousuke up anyway.

“That’s not what I meant.” he snarled, looking as frustrated as Makoto felt. “No matter what we do we don’t have a choice in this.”

“So you’re just gonna, what, continue on like this? How do you even stand it?” Makoto was yelling now, angry that Sousuke didn’t even want to try to do something about it.

“We’ve already tried doing it your way and look how it turned out.” Sousuke suddenly burst out and Makoto was so taken off guard that he had to back away a step. The instant Sousuke had said the words his face flashed with regret, and Makoto was afraid of what answer he would get.

“You mean... the rampage I went on, when they wiped my memories... that was my idea to fix this?” Makoto suddenly asked, feeling his throat dry as Sousuke only nodded. He was starting to feel sick, knowing that he had been another person entirely before this. He didn’t like that person at all. “Did you agree to it?”

“No I didn’t. But you did it anyway, without telling me and the next thing I know you were gone. I came home and you weren’t there, and no one told me anything. A week later Kisumi told me you were reincarnated, but I asked Nagisa and he told me the truth. It was too late by then, but I thought that it was over at least. Then they recruited you again.” he refused to meet Makoto’s eyes and he could really understand that. It seemed as if his former self had been quite an asshole and it was hard to imagine that.

“I’m sorry, I truly am.” Makoto said and reached for Sousuke’s hand and the older reaper didn’t stop him, letting Makoto gently hold it. The older one relaxed visibly and Makoto wondered if it was because of him or because who he used to be. That was one of the few questions he actually didn't want an answer for.

“You can’t take the blame for what someone else did.” Sousuke said after a short moment of silence, staring at their intertwined hands. Makoto shook his head at that, his anger long gone and he was now left feeling empty.

“It was still me, thinking selfishly and ending up hurting others. You, Kisumi and Nagisa and who knows who else that the previous me knew.”

"You came from the same soul but that doesn't decide who you become." Sousuke said with a tired sigh, and Makoto couldn't blame him. He was tired and weary too, not knowing what he would do.

He was about to protest again and Sousuke must have sensed it, because he was suddenly pulled into an embrace.

A wave of calm swept over him as Sousuke’s arms wrapped around him, and he wasn’t sure any longer if it was because of the other’s presence or because they were soulmates.

"We need to find our souls and bring them together. The thing is I have no idea were they are, but I assume someone who's been here longer than I know." Sousuke turned away his eyes from Makoto's, and not for the first time did he wonder if Sousuke still missed his former self. Or if he just thought that he would have the answers if he had still existed.

"There's no use asking Kisumi to help us." Makoto said to stop thinking about it. Kisumi had already went through too much trouble, just by knowing too much. Suddenly he came to think about what Nagisa had said.

"We can ask Nagisa. He told me he didn't care for the higher-ups." if anyone was willing to help them it would be him, right? Uncertainty was plastered on Sousuke’s face, but he didn’t seem to find anything to protest about. After a brief moment of silence, he nearly looked defeated as he nodded to Makoto.

“You know I can’t promise anything, but you’re right. At least he will hear your request.” Sousuke said in finality, but something still bothered Makoto.

“I hope I’m not making assumptions now, but you do want this too, right?” his stomach twisted in discomfort when he only got a brief nod as an answer, but he would take that as a yes. For now at least.

“Then let’s go.” Makoto said as he turned and walked towards the end of the office, where Nagisa was seated behind walls and a closed door. Behind him he heard Sousuke’s shuffling steps and he had to remind himself to relax, a headache already starting to throb at his temples.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's late. I'm sorry. Depression hit. School hit. Declined inspiration and motivation hit. Anyways, as I've said before, the ending is written, and now it's probably only one chapter left. I don't know when it will be up and I'm sorry for that, but I will finish this story.  
> Thank you for your patience.


	10. And so it ends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter of "The World Ends With Me" and I hope you enjoy it. Some thoughts about the story in general and the chapter is on notes below, so read it only if you want spoilers!

Makoto stopped short of walking into Nagisa’s office door and glanced behind him to see if Sousuke was still with him. When he saw that the other was right behind him and nodded to him, Makoto raised his hand and knocked on the door without hesitation. It didn’t take more than half a minute for Nagisa to open it, but for Makoto it felt as if he had held his breath for an hour when he at last came face to face with his boss.

“Oh, hello.” Nagisa said quickly, standing in the middle of the doorway with the door half-closed. He didn’t seem surprised to see him at all, but when he noticed Sousuke his interest seemed to peak.

“Something the matter?” Nagisa asked aloud, to whom he addressed Makoto had no idea, but he decided to answer for both of them.

“We need your help Nagisa.” he said and the man in question seemed to tense up as he turned his attention to Makoto. He couldn’t really blame him, everything Nagisa seemed to know about him was only the negative stuff, and knowing that this too wasn’t going to make him change his mind didn’t make things better.

“You need to show us where they keep our souls.” Sousuke added after a moment of silence and Nagisa eyes went wide. In surprise or fear, Makoto didn’t know. Before he could react, Nagisa grabbed a hold of his wrist and Sousuke’s and with much more force than should be possible dragged them inside of his office. He didn’t even have a chance to blink as he heard the door slammed shut behind him and a click from the lock.

He looked at Sousuke who looked as confused as he felt, before he turned to Nagisa.

“I already knew you were out of your mind Makoto, but you Sousuke? Asking a question like that so nonchalantly in the middle of the room? Did you even think to see if anyone was still here?” Nagisa said, but he didn’t seem angry, just worried and Makoto instantly felt dread. He hadn’t even thought of that, and knowing how taboo the subject was they would probably get in trouble just talking about it.

“We know the risks, but I can promise you there is no one left here. So stop trying to avoid my question. You know where the room is.” Sousuke was clearly agitated and it almost seemed as if Nagisa would protest, but instead he let out a deep, frustrated sigh.

”Of course I know where it is.” another sigh. Makoto sensed that a protest was on the way, and he quickly stopped the other man from talking.

“Just take us there. You of all should know what they did with us was wrong. This is the last thing you can do for us, then you’ll never have to deal with any of us again.” not for the first time Makoto felt desperate. He didn’t know anyone else who knew about the room and with a heavy heart he realized this was his last chance.

“Please, Nagisa.” Sousuke suddenly said and stepped forward. “I’ve never asked for anything from you for over two centuries. If you won’t do it for Makoto, please do it for me.” there was a long silence when Nagisa suddenly turned around and unlocked the door before opening it wide.

The silence loomed over them and Makoto felt like breaking down and crying, but managed to hold it together as he slowly walked out of the door, feeling anxious and disappointed as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat. Sousuke was right behind him, his hand resting on his shoulder and squeezed comforting on it.

“Tomorrow,” Nagisa’s voice suddenly said, managing to halt both Makoto and Sousuke in there steps. Sousuke turned around to look at Nagisa but Makoto was frozen in place, not daring to move a muscle.

“Come back early tomorrow. I’ll take you to your souls.” he finished and before either of them could answer the door slammed shut with Nagisa inside of his office.

Makoto turned around slowly and searched for Sousuke’s eyes, and as soon as Makoto saw the small smile on Sousuke’s face he felt relief flood through him. He couldn’t stop the tears from falling now, but it was definitely from relief. Suddenly he felt arms around him as Sousuke hugged him tightly.

* * *

 

They next day they both arrived over an hour earlier than usual. The whole building was empty and dark, but Nagisa still opened the door for them. He looked tense and kept looking over his shoulder, and neither Sousuke nor Makoto dared to say a word. Instead, they silently let Nagisa lead them through the same corridor that Makoto had walked for over two decades. At least in this life. Who knew how many years he had walked in his last life?

Nagisa led them to one of the elevators in next to his office, which Makoto had rarely paid attention to. He couldn’t remember if he had ever seen someone actually use it, and was slightly surprised when the doors opened without a sound. They all stepped inside, and Nagisa pushed one of the buttons, somewhere in the middle. Makoto noted that this building had much more floors than he thought, and considering he always hanged around the ground floor, he had to wonder how many actually had to take the elevator.

He couldn’t recall if anyone ever had taken the elevator.

It didn’t take long for them to travel to the floor, the whole ride taken in silence. Makoto was afraid to break it, as if that would somehow shift the mood and Nagisa would change his mind. He guessed that it was the same for Sousuke, and as for Nagisa, he had no clue.

With a dull ‘ding’ the elevator halted and the door opened. The floor looked identical to the one Makoto worked in, and the realization made him uneasy. At least it was empty, he noted and when Nagisa started walking down the corridor they both followed without a word. After a few minutes, they stopped in front of a door.

It was in the same position as the one-of-two room downstairs, only this one had a big yellow sign on it with the words ‘Restricted Area’ on it. Nagisa didn’t hesitate as he brought up a key and unlocked the door, opening it up wide for them to see the inside.

“Here it is.” he said and made a slight gesture to the inside. Makoto hesitated just outside, but when Sousuke went in before him, he quickly swallowed it down and went in after him. The room wasn’t as massive as the one downstairs, and the amount of jars were definitely less. Makoto almost started to count them, curious as to how many reapers where here, but he quickly realized there were too many.

It would take a while to find his and Sousuke’s soul, sure, but thy were finally here. He couldn’t help but smile as he turned towards Sousuke, who smiled back. Just as he was about to turn to Nagisa, however, a noise startled him. It wasn’t a sudden noise either, and it was becoming larger. He realized that it was coming towards them and he quickly turned around, only to find Nagisa looking apologetic at them and his smile instantly dies.

This was a trap.

“I’m so sorry, Makoto, Sousuke. I didn’t have a choice.” Nagisa suddenly said as reapers Makoto doesn’t recognize suddenly swarm the small room. They’re heading towards him and Sousuke and his first instinct is to physically throw himself in front of him, but he can’t even move a muscle before both of his arms are restrained.

Soon more arms are around him, pulling him back - away from the door and Sousuke, he realizes - and he starts struggling. Somewhere over his shoulder one reaper yells to another to hold tighter.

There is really no need to, Makoto wants to spit out, because he is really no match for three other reapers, especially now when he stopped struggling. He searches for Sousuke’s eyes, but realizes with horror that they are dragging the other reaper out of the room, obviously having more trouble with him as he thrashes in their grip and for the first time Makoto have enough time to actually feel confused.

“Nagisa, what are you doing?” he says, not even bothering to hide the hurt in his voice.

“You have to understand- I had no choice. They promised me I would get reunited with Rei. I’m just so tired of this, I’ve wanted to end it for so long. You if anyone know that feeling. They gave me the key and said to lead you here. This isn’t even the right room.”

There were a lot of things Makoto wanted to yell out. Liar, traitor and more hateful words that he had never used as a reaper, but somehow still knew, perhaps from his earlier life, but he couldn’t form a word. Because he did indeed know that feeling, and who was to say that Nagisa felt it less?

Still, it hurt to think that one that he would call a friend sold him out for personal reasons.

“Why did they agree to set it up in the first place then?” Makoto was so tired, so confused by what the bosses was thinking. One thing was sure, he hated them more than ever.

“You were getting out of control again,” Nagisa said and for Makoto, that ‘again’ didn’t mean a thing. “they deemed this the best solution.”

“So that’s it then? You didn’t stop to think what would happen to me and Sousuke?” Makoto said, trying to hide the crack in his voice. His eyes were starting to sting, tears just on the brink of breaking forth.

There was a long pause, and Makoto felt how the other reapers loosened their grip a little, but he wouldn’t do anything to fight them off. He didn’t know what they were planning to do with him, but he knew that it was useless to try to escape. Somewhere outside in the corridor, almost so far away he could barely hear it, Sousuke was calling for him.

“He hasn’t done anything wrong. He will continue working here as if nothing happened.” Nagisa said. Makoto didn’t know if he should take it as a comfort or not. He swallowed hard, gathering enough courage to ask the question he had dreaded to ask.

“What about me then?” Makoto was afraid to ask, but he needed to know. All of this shit had always been because he needed to know.

“You’ll get a memory-wipe. A fresh start. You’ll be back here in a few years, and you’ll never have to see me ever again. You won’t even remember me, or that you’ve been a reaper before. They believe you might get happier that way.”

‘You won’t remember Sousuke.’ was left unsaid, but Makoto realized with dread that Sousuke would remember him, would remember Nagisa and what he did, without being able to stop it.

Nagisa walked to him, and brought a soul-filled jar up from his pocket. Something inside Makoto started to twist, and he felt a familiar ache he couldn’t place. The soul fluttered slightly and his chest started throbbing. It suddenly dawned on him, that this was his soul. It looked old and torn, as if it hadn’t been treated right.

How many times could they do this until it got destroyed? The reapers tightened the grip on him as Nagisa stepped closer and Makoto soon found out why.

The closer the soul came to him, the more it tugged at his chest, and the feeling became more and more intense. It wasn’t just a tug anymore, it was starting to hurt really bad, as if the soul tried to get back into him, but was unable to.

When Nagisa stopped just half of a meter in front of him, the pain was starting to become unbearable and he just wanted to get away from it. He tried to back away, but remembered that he was being held still by the reapers. The pain started growing more and more and he couldn’t help it anymore, he started to scream.

“I’m sorry Makoto, I’ll make it quick for you.” he heard Nagisa said somewhere over the throbbing in his ears and his own shouts, then the pain was much worse than before and he opened his eyes just in time to see Nagisa face in front of him. He faintly felt something touch his forehead.

All at once the pain disappeared, the arms around him disappeared and the room faded away.

No.

 _He_ was fading away.

* * *

 

He jolted awake from the chair he was sitting in and stared with wide open eyes into the room. No, it wasn’t a room, it was a beach in front of a huge ocean and he wasn’t sitting on a chair, he was sitting on a rock. But how did he get here?

A bit dizzy and with a splitting headache he started to inspect his surroundings, getting off the rock and walking a few feet forward. He glanced behind him but there was no sign of anyone else there nor any houses, just a green forest. Neither where there any sign of footsteps in the sand leading to the rock. Did he swim here? But his clothes and hair were dry, and there was still no sign that he had walked anywhere except for the few steps from the stone.

“Makoto Tachibana?” a voice sounded from his right and the first thing going into his mind was that they’ve gotten the wrong guy, his name wasn’t Makoto, he was-

“Yes, that’s me.” he found himself replying as he turned to the source of the voice. A tall man with dark hair in a white shirt and dress pants stood just a few meters away from him and looked extremely out of place in contrast to the scenery. The man had a frown on his face and he wondered briefly if the other was here to beat this Makoto up or something. However, that didn’t seem to be the case.

“Do you remember what happened?” the tall man asked him and there was something luring under the surface, a sadness in his voice that caught him off guard.

“Not really, I-” he started before a snippet came back to him. He was on a plane, where he was heading he didn’t know, but suddenly there had been a distress signal. Panic had erupted all around him as the pilot had said something.

It clicked for him.

“I was on a plane that crashed.” he immediately looked out over the ocean for some sign of the wreckage but only found the blue sea before him. Come to think of it, he hadn’t seen any boats, and he hadn’t heard any birds at all. Not even the ocean made any sound.

“I swum back to shore?” he tried when he realized that he didn’t have any memory of the crash or the aftermath, but when he looked back to the tall man he only got a wry smile.

“You died in the crash.” the man said, though there was something that said that wasn’t entirely true. Suddenly the silence around him made sense, even though it didn’t really.

“Oh.” he said quietly, not yet fully realizing what that meant, if he was dead. The memory from the plane seemed to be the only one he had, no matter how deep he tried to dig in his mind.

The taller man walked closer to him, now at an arms length away.

“So, who are you then?” he asked after a while, not seeing the connection between him being dead and the other man with him on the beach.

“I’m a grim reaper, here to collect your soul.” the man said bitterly and he had to wonder if he had answered that ten times already this day.

“Right. That makes sense.” he replied because it really did, a familiarity in it that he had to wonder if somebody had once told him of it, maybe it was a common knowledge that your soul was taken by a grim reaper when you died. Either way he wasn’t surprised.

“So, should I just stand here or how does it go?” he asked, not sure what was expected from him in a situation like this. It was not as if he regularly died and got his soul collected. At least he didn’t think so.

There was a long pause from the other man, and when he looked up into those blue eyes he thought he was going to get punched for real, but it didn’t seem as if it was him the man was mad at.

“Actually, you get two choices.” the reaper almost spitted out, obviously not happy at whatever the choices were.

”Well that’s generous I guess. What are the choices?” he tried, feeling strangely impatient, not wanting to be on this eerie beach any longer than necessary. It didn’t even feel real.

“One is to stop existing. I take your soul, put it away safely until it disappears.” the taller man said and waited for his reaction.

“That sounds pretty dark. The other?” he didn’t like the thought of not existing. Whatever that meant.

“You become what I am. A grim reaper.” the man seemed to dislike this option as much as he himself had disliked the first one.

“Those are my only options?” neither sounded very appealing. Why couldn’t he just get back to where he was before the crash?

“Unfortunately, yes.” there was no sarcasm in the other man’s voice, only a heavy sigh. There was something that told him to just give up, let the other take his soul, but a small part of him, the one nagging and telling him there was something wrong with this whole scenario, this whole thing, was against him.

“Make me a grim reaper.” he said with feigned confidence, because he had no idea what that would mean for him, but something seemed to break in the other man.

“No, please. Take the other one.” he had taken a step forward and clutched his arm, pinning them tightly to his side. A feeling of how wrong all of this felt, how surreal it was washed over him and he found himself shaking his head.

”No. You gave me two options and I chose one of them.” he said and tried not to flinch away from the other’s grasp. The grim reaper obviously knew more than him about this, but the thought of fading out of existence scared him much more than the other’s reaction.

“No, it’s the wrong one. I promise.” his voice cracked slightly, as if he was holding back tears. The reaper had loosened his grip but his eyes still screamed at him, as if begging him to change it. Whatever scared the taller man, he wanted to know. It was only logical then that he couldn’t disappear.

“Make me a grim reaper.” he repeated slowly but surely and the other man leaned uncomfortably close to him, leaning his forehead against his own, but he couldn’t move away from him how much he tried, as if his feet were frozen to the ground. He felt rather than saw how the man nodded slightly and suddenly he was second-guessing his decision.

Instead of acknowledging his decision, the other man brought his arms around him in a hug, surprising him as he stared up into his eyes, and was the other man crying?

“I’m sorry, Makoto. I couldn’t protect you, not even now.” the reaper whispered and he had a bad feeling in his gut. His name wasn’t Makoto, but something told him it was definitely his name, and then the reaper leaned back far enough to press his lips against his forehead.

For a brief moment he had a moment of clarity, whether it was accidental or not, and panic rose in his chest as everything came flooding back to him.

The decades spent waiting for his soulmate. The day he became a grim reaper. The moment they decided he was too much trouble, and the day they needed him again.

When he saved Rin and in turn killed his sister. When he learned the truth. When he was betrayed.

Most of all he remembered Sousuke, and the realization that he would have to go through this all again and his throat clogged up when he looked up at the man before him, the poor reaper that had to suffer because of him. Who had to suffer once again, because the bosses wanted to punish him.

"Sousuke-" the words barely escaped his throat until he forgot it all again. The man looked at him in shock.

Everything went black after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tada~ It is finally done and long overdue for at least a year. The ending was never supposed to be happy I realized very early. About four chapters in I felt that it wouldn't work, but I had so many thoughts on how to write the ending that I got stuck with it and thus didn't know how to continue. However, the one that makes the most sense to me was to end it where it begun - with Makoto becoming a reaper once again, the dying memory of a random person that was planted inside him, and a little bit of manipulation from the bosses side to get him to choose to become a reaper again. As for Nagisa, he cared for Makoto and Sousuke, but Rey was his one true love who he unintentionally made a part of his punishment, so he wanted for a long time to end it. Rey always died young and Nagisa felt guilty for it the whole time, so the higher-ups gave him a deal. Help them deal with Makoto and get out of this place.
> 
> If you have any questions regarding this fic, how it ended etcetera or just wanted to say what you thought about it, don't hesitate to comment! It's been a pleasure and this fic has really grown on me, but it's time to take on other projects(That's not this long)


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